Wafflefest Is Tonight!

Written by Executive Editor on May 4th, 2014

‘Twas the night before finals week and everybody crammed into the Dining Hall to procrastin-eat waffles. It’s hectic, it’s stressful, it’s a whole lot of maple syrup stuck to your shoes, but it’s Wafflefest, the bi-annual waffle celebration put in place by the SGA to distract you from your impending stress overload.

The event starts at 8pm and goes all the way until 11pm. It is free to all Skidmore students.

Eat your heart out.

Ps. Please watch out for those baby cakes, because those crisp, greasy potato sliders are one of the more dangerously addictive things Dining Services is legally allowed to serve you.



Citizen’s Arrest 5/2/14

Written by Major Qwik on May 3rd, 2014
Anybody drive a Smart car?

Anybody drive a Smart car?

Citizen’s Arrest is a new feature on Skidmore Unofficial created to help foster “campus community” by mercilessly heckling people for doing shitty things–kind of like that guy three rows behind the Yankees’ dugout at Fenway (we all knowJorge Posada pronounces his name wrong, but that guy’s there to remind us—”GEEEORGE, YOUR NAME IS GEORGE”).

CITIZEN’S ARREST – 5/2/14  5:14 PM  Sussman Parking Lot

A citizen’s arrest was made Friday afternoon in the Sussman parking lot after someone left a Goodwill donation box in the premier parking spot for Lower Hillside residents, who already struggle to make it to their cars because someone thought it would be a good idea to put a cliff next to the apartments instead of a staircase.  The offender appears not to reside in Sussman Village, otherwise they surely would have dropped their dumpster in one of the plentiful empty parking spaces in Sussman.  Campus Safety already knows they can park sideways—taking up three spaces doing god-knows-what—without causing a problem.  Hell, even some townies set up shop in the Lower Sussman parking lot a few weeks ago (when it was actually nice out—remember that??) to barbecue and toss the pig-skin around.  Worst of all, the offender saran-wrapped the entire box, preventing any Good Samaritan from actually donating.

Asshole with a fork-lift 1 – Sussman residents 0 – Goodwill 0.


10 Thoughts From A 2013 Graduate

Written by Executive Editor on May 2nd, 2014

Five Things To Get Used To After Life At Skidmore

  1. Real cops don’t care about your house party of 20 friends.
  2. Working a 40+ hour work week in an office has real benefits, like that moment you take off your business casual swag and slip into some lounging shorts and a t-shirt, feeling like you actually deserve it.
  3. After years of schooling, you can finally give something back and contribute to society in a real way, not having to be caught up fighting laws about where on campus smoking is allowed (really Glotz).
  4. Not everyone looks the same. The war of the thickest glasses frames can finally be over, because guess what? Your new co-worker wears Hollister and American Eagle and doesn’t give a flying fuck about your new frames.
  5. Not everyone has the same opinions. After years of unleashing my impassioned diatribes on blank stares and affirmative head-nods I have more people in my life who challenge my beliefs. Self-growth y’all, don’t be scared.

Five Things Not So Great About Life After Skidmore

  1. Working is hard.
  2. There are a lot of beautiful people at Skidmore—both inside and out. The real world is filled with plenty of that sort of folk, but has a much heavier dilution of run-of-the-mill boring lemmings that are destined for accounting positions.
  3. Things like career services, health services, counseling center, writing center, 10 condoms for $1 are not available for free (or severely discounted prices) at your very fingertips. Applying for jobs is a lot more difficult without 5 people massaging your resume and 1 person massaging your fragile ego.
  4. You want to start some shit? You can have five friends and a professor back you with minimal work. Dialogues can happen if someone has a bad post-apocalyptic dream at Thoroughbred Nation, and while dialogues are just a forum for concurrent beliefs to affirm themselves, they’re also sometimes kind of cool.
  5. Friends are scattered. All those friends you made in college, high school, camp, etc. are all over the map. It’s true, 90% of them live in Somerville/Allston/Brooklyn, but still you get the point.

Jesse Doran graduated in 2013 and is currently a member of Tenacity, an Americorps program based in Boston. He enjoys Sambas, Celtics Basketball, and singing Blackbird. 


Tomorrow: 16th Annual Academic Festival All Day All Over Campus

Written by Executive Editor on April 29th, 2014
This is what you can expect at tomorrows Academic Festival.

This is what you can expect at tomorrows Academic Festival.

Tomorrow is the Academic Festival, Skidmore’s second largest campus-wide festival behind Earth Day. It basically means that all your friends that have been stressed out, short-tempered hermits the past couple weeks will present their research and then breath, drink, breath again, and then drink again, and again.

The event will take place all day tomorrow in places all over campus. There are four sessions with a lunch hour and closing reception. I tried to copy and paste every single presentation, panel discussion, and event going on but it proved to be nearly impossible. I will provide this link that will take you to a nice, organized PDF of the day’s happenings.

Academic Festival 2014, April 30th in Gannett Lobby, Palamountain 2nd Floor, and Tisch Learning Center 2nd Floor, from 9AM-5:30PM.


SEC Presents: Magic Man & Good Neighbor

Written by Executive Editor on April 28th, 2014
Last Day Of Classes

Last Day Of Classes

Tomorrow is the last day of classes, forever, for-ever, for-ev-er, f-o-r-e-v-e-r… if you’re a senior. So, in celebration of school being out for summer, the Skidmore Entertainment Committee (the group responsible for wrongfully leading us to believe that Macklemore was headlining Funday) has graced us with a spur-of-the-moment concert.

The concert will take place outside on the South Park Green, though it might rain, and in that case it will be in the Spa, with free food. Opening the set will be Skidmore’s Good Neighbor. If you’re not familiar with them, check out this video of them playing on the roof and outside of Stables during last semester’s unofficial Fall Funday:

Headlining tomorrow will be Magic Man, a group of magic men from Boston, Mass who make an interesting blend of electro-indie-pop-rock. You may remember them from the last time they played at Skidmore, in September 2012, opening for Oberhofer. If you’re not old enough to remember that, here’s a sample of their music:

Magic Man and Good Neighbor, South Park Green (or Spa),  April 29th at 6pm


RIP Bert Burykill, Ex-Skidmore Student & Vice Prison Correspondent

Written by Executive Editor on April 28th, 2014

Bert Burykill, an ex-Skidmore student and VICE prison correspondent, died last week from injuries sustained in a car accident. He was 33.

In 2004, at 23 years old, Burykill was a senior at Skidmore. He grew up in Connecticut, had a “normal” middle-class, suburban upbringing, attended “elite prep schools, played hockey year-round, and wound up getting accepted into Skidmore College, where, smooth as silk, [he] kept selling narcotics, mostly to [his] fellow students.”

Burykill was featured in a Vice documentary series called "Staying Out Of Prison."

Burykill was featured in a Vice documentary series called “Staying Out Of Prison.”

While at Skidmore, Burykill began traveling all over the Northeast selling narcotics. He was careless, immature, and making a lot of money. As he wrote in a December 2012 Vice article, Don’t Get Caught, “I was so cocky—I never actually thought the pork-chop patrol would come after me.” Well, while oblivious, the cops were following him. And in February of his senior year he was arrested outside Saratoga’s Barnes & Noble with a search warrant that translated into five  felony charges and upwards of 25 years in prison.

After going to court, and receiving “the same three-to-nine-year punishment as 50 Cent did for similar drug charges and [graduating] from the same program,” Burykill was released from prison in 2005, only to fall back into the drug game and get charged and put behind bars a second time in 2006.

While in various correctional facilities throughout New York, Burykill began sending letters to VICE editor Harry Cheadle, who started featuring Burykill as a Prison Correspondent in VICE’s “Pen Pals Column.” In a elegiac article about Burykill, Cheadle writes, “Whatever stereotypes you have about someone who had been in prison for drug dealing, Bert fell into none of them. I found him to be disarmingly goofy, soft-spoken, and earnest—a grown-up slacker with a heart of gold who was trying to figure out how to navigate his post-prison life.”

Once released from prison in 2013, VICE made a documentary about his life entitled “Staying Out Of Prison:”

Burykill wrote extensively about a lot of the shit he saw in prison and, as Rowley commented last year, “he does raise some salient points about the toll of the increasingly foolhardy and unpopular War on Drugs. Is it really worth wasting government resources keeping a non-violent lowlife who just wants to “frolic in some pusshole” stuck in the system?”

Rest In Peace Bert Burykill

You can read his column here.

You can read Cheadle’s eulogy here.

You can read Burykill’s “Don’t Get Caught” story here.


Fun Day Over/Unders

Written by Boson on April 24th, 2014
Not Pitchfork, Funday.

Not Pitchfork, Funday.

Over or Under:

# of people taken to Saratoga Hospital: 3

# of kegs buried under South Park Green: 1

Average wait on the burger line: 15 min

Amount of time the burger line actually seems to take: 1 hour

# of mounted campo: 1

# of people swimming in Haupt Pond: 6

# of bands who try to set up at the gazebo: 2

# of people on the naked run: 9

# of times Joshua Nelson gets puked on: 0.5

# of times Robin Adams gets puked on: 0.5

# of people wearing horse costumes: 2

Click to continue »


Weekend Distractions CXX

Written by Jonze on April 24th, 2014

6:00pm- “I am not ‘Mutilated’”: Speaking Out Against Anti-Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) Campaigns @ Davis
7:00pm- Sheldon Answers: Are American Youth Apathetic? @ Filene Recital Hall
7:00pm- 59 Seconds Video Festival @ Tang Teaching Museum
8:00pm- The Happening @ Falstaffs

6:00pm- Allie Chipkin’s Senior Songwriting Performance @ Wilson Chapel
7:00pm- Rithmos presents: ‘Twas the Night Before Fun Day… Disney Princesses and Beyoncé @ Dance Theater
8:00pm- Tang Party @ Tang Teaching Museum
9:00pm- Skidomedy Presents: A Fireside Chat @ Gannett
9:30pm- Souled Out: Lift Every Voice Final Show @ Filene Recital Hall
10:00pm- Dynamics Spring Jam @ Filene Recital Hall

12:00pm- Fun Day @ South Park Green
10:00pm- UJIMA Fun Day After Party @ Falstaffs

6:00pm- Climbing Poetree Hip Hop & Spoken Word Performance @ Case Green

Missing something? Let us know in the comments


Today: Nick Confessore Lecture In Davis

Written by donttakenoBS on April 23rd, 2014

This is Nick. Say hello.

One of the perks of getting the New York Times on this campus, besides the Monday crossword puzzle, is the selection of speakers. Today in Davis at 5pm, Nick Confessore, a NYT political writer, is speaking.

Mr. Confessore led the paper’s coverage of super PACs, campaign finance issues, and political fundraising during the 2012 presidential campaign. Previously, he wrote about New York state politics and government for the Metropolitan Desk. He has also worked in the Brooklyn and City Hall bureaus of The Times.

Before joining The Times in 2004, Mr. Confessore was an editor at The Washington Monthly and a contributor to The New York Times Magazine, The Atlantic Monthly, and Rolling Stone, among other publications. He began his career as a staff writer at The American Prospect.

It’s an opportunity you won’t want to miss!

Nick Confessore, Davis Auditorium, 5pm


Skidmore Unofficial’s Official Survival Guide to Fun Day Weekend

Written by Jonze on April 22nd, 2014
Yes.  It's a fun day.  People are excited.  Stay safe and clean up your fucking trash.

Yes. It’s a fun day. People are excited. Stay safe and clean up your fucking trash.

Ah, yes.  It’s finally time to begin preparing for Fun Day weekend.  Classes are winding down, the weather is improving, and everyone on campus is ready to blow off a little (a lot) of steam.  With a crazy busy weekend of debauchery ahead, we figured you should all get a quick rundown on how you should prepare and how it’ll all go down.

Get all of your homework done.  Seriously.  The last thing you’ll want to do is school work the day after Fun Day.  Even if you’re not planning on drinking Saturday, everyone in your life will be either exhausted, hung over, sunburnt, or some combination of the three.  It’s best to get things out of the way and give yourself time to recuperate and to watch Netflix.  Also, it’s a great chance to talk with your friends about who’s buying what alcohol for the weekend, where you’re pregaming (and gaming), and the easiest way to eat a hearty breakfast.

The Happening.  It’s Lively Lucy’s crazy ridiculous ’60s art throwback to the times of Andy Warhol and recreational acid tripping in the East Village. It’s at Falstaff’s.  Way more clubs than you can count come together for wacky, zany cross-pollenated artistic activities.  And if you’re not into that type of thing, take this as your last chance to get your work done for the weekend and to rest up.

Get your booze!  Get your food!  Take the time when you’re done with classes to stock up on your Fun Day supplies.  This includes (but isn’t limited to) alcohol, hearty breakfast food, mid-day snacks, an opaque water bottle, SUNSCREEN, enough cigarettes to get you through a week (trust me), a backpack, whatever other substances you plan on consuming, and potentially a parasol.  By this point you should know who you’re partying with and where, too.  And at night, it’s the Tang Party!  Go take a walk outside the Tang and check out some sweet student art installations.  It’s also featuring a pretty sweet lineup of student bands that aren’t on the Fun Day roster: Psymon Spine, Pooch, Triceracops, and Queen Ambrosia.  While it may be your natural inclination to drink to your heart’s content on a Friday night, we advise building up to a very slight buzz and stopping there.  You’re going to consume a lot of alcohol on Fun Day, and you want to give your body time to flush out whatever you’ve been drinking the night before, so make sure it’s not too much.


Yes, people will be in headdresses and minimal clothes, keep your composure, it’s Fun Day

It’s here!  It’s Fun Day!  Take a look at  your daily schedule:
8:15am- Wake up!  Crack a beer and make a mimosa cuz it’s time for Fun Day!  Start slow and steady to stay safe.
8:40am- Shower beer.  Fucking do it.
9:15am- Off campus?  Time to get the fuck on campus so you’re not designating a driver the morning of Fun Day.  Bring cab fare.
9:30am- Breakfast.  Whether it’s dhall or cooking in the apartments, make sure you eat a great breakfast.  Maybe try a Bloody Mary or just have another PBR and a shot of Crystal Palace
10:20am- Begin preparing the day’s worth of drunk juice.  For my friends and me, that is a gin bucket.  Take a large plastic bin and empty in it three of the cheapest handles of gin you can find.  Pair that with seven bottles of Fresca, a bag of quartered and squeezed limes, and a bag of ice from Stewart’s.  Stir and drink.
11:00am- Apply sunscreen.  Use the nasty spray stuff to cake yourself and some nicer cream shit for your face.  Why am I even telling you this?  You’re a college student!
11:20am- Partake in an outdoor activity as you make your way to the green.  Bocce, frisbee, a rousing game of catch, I don’t give a fuck.  Just make sure you’re on the South Park Green (that’s the one behind the library, not in front of dhall) by noon.  Get your spot, grab some free sunglasses courtesy of SGA, and try not to throw up on Robin Adams.  Throw up on Josh Nelson.
12:00pm- Beardo Otter takes the stage!  Woo live music!
12:50pm- OJ Johnson DJ set. Re-up on booze from your dorm.
1:15pm- Eat something hearty and with lots of protein and carbs.  Drink some water while you’re at it.
1:20pm- There will be a naked run.  You will see your Outing Club friends naked.  Just keep drinking and it will all end soon.
1:40pm- Bo Peep and the Funk Sheep plays!  More live music and dancing!
2:30pm- DJDLi (Daniel Li) DJ set. Try out the bounce house!
3:20pm- Los Elk plays!  The trifecta of animal themed bands is complete!
4:10pm- Lt. Surge (Allan Brown & Zach Gordon) DJ set. Are you still safe?
5:00pm- Nap.  Seriously.  Crash, pass out, and get some sleep to get the drunk out of you.  You’ve been sitting outside in the sun consuming ungodly portions of alcohol all day.  Give your body a break.
8:00pm- Eat something.  Preferably greasy and from Char Koon.  Drink a lot of water, take some Tylenol, and try to get your body started briefly.
9:00pm- Take a SOBER walk outside.  You’re too tired to drink or smoke some pot still.  The fresh air will do you some good.
9:45pm- It’s make-or-break-o’clock.  Decide if you’re going out or not.  I will not.  You may, but be respectful of the people who went way harder than you and still can’t move.
1:00am- Go the fuck to sleep.

Take a personal day.  For once you don’t have to do anything on a Sunday.  Stay in bed, watch some Netflix, and snack your ass off throughout the day.  Perfect chance to catch up on Game of Thrones.  Drink lots of water.

And there you have it!  Just remember to stay safe, know your limits, and have a great weekend.  Try not to spoil this for the future Skidmore generations…