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Comfest 2017: Drunk, High, Sober Review

Sunday, March 5th, 2017

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Hey daddies! Everyone remember Comfest from a few weeks ago? We do because we had a BLAST at that shindig. Funny is the new sexy, at least that’s what I tell myself. Anyway, The National College Comedy Festival is the biggest and awesomest college comedy festival in existence featuring student groups from around the country as well as really cool professional acts.

We sent three of our debauched writers to the first student show of Comfest under different states of inebriation to see what they thought. Please enjoy our drunk, high and sober review of Comfest. Comedians if you read this, sorry we did this to you. We respect your craft.

_________________________________________________

First up on the roster, our resident alcoholic. Apparently there is no food or drink allowed in the theater but you’ll be glad to know our writer got fully away with it. Good luck with that in the future.

DRUNK

Time for comedy
Broccoli…why
I need to be more drunk for this
Is Jared Klein watching me
Don’t see the beard and weird cap so think I’m all good
Are bean boots part of their team uniform
Why is there so much fruit

I’m just so confused
I think I missed the premise of this so I’m confused
Why is this young man is yelling 80s songs at me
Tom and Jerry gay couple? I COULD BE INTO THAT
Man dropping the table during intermission
Highlight of my night
Now table I can get into
Did he just say vulva? You have my attention

I HAVE A CLASS WITH THAT KID IN THE BLACK SHIRT
They are all wearing black I am drunk
The wheelchair no absolutely not wow yes
That boy is so bendy
I wish the music was louder so I can truly jam
Omg property brothers that’s my shiiiiiiiit
Donald Glover DID win the Emmy
I don’t believe!! They’re brainwashing me!
This director sketch. Yep they’re definitely brainwashing me
I knew they would brainwash me at some point

These kids are legit!!! They’re wearing diapers!!!
CHEESE??! Officially the best group

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
I thought this was supposed to be about Los Angeles
Wow v acrobatic

So confused by their voices
Is that ok?
BENDY BOY IS BACK
Yeah no forreal this tall beautiful girl has a weird voice
Boy byyyeeee

_________________________________________________

Is this fun yet? I’m having fun, although I don’t feel like I know what happened at Comfest yet. Let’s try again with our high flyer.

 HIGH

Hi everyone and also hi me I will read this later
And also high me lol
Ready for some laughs
This is very crowded I feel crowded
Improvvv they make it up as they go along and THAT is fly
Tall blonde is so tall how tall are you boy
BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS
Stompy boots
I have to pee already
Siiinnngggiiinng. I thought this was comedy I did NOT expect singing
80s MUSIC IS THE BEST MUSIC
This is funny funny funny I am laughing now
SKETCHIEEEZZZZ SKIDMORE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS GO TEAM
Work those butts skinny boys
Bruno Mars used for a good cause
Twins are not saying the same things that is the joke I get it now someone explained it to me
GOD! HELLO GOD ITS ME IM HERE TOO
People are yelling I am scared
Dicks why too many dicks on the dance flooorrr
This skit is crazy what is happening am I losing it
DIAPERS
LITTLE BABY COMEDIANS AND COMEDIENNES
CHEEEEEEEESSSSSEEEEEE
Omg cheese
Hot legs everywhere
Why aren’t my legs this hot
Tall bill was my father’s name
Girl is wearing a formal jacket with just a diaper aka life goals
MORE CHEESE ARE YOU KIDDING
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence
Boys in green sweaters are better than boys not in green sweaters
YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT ON TV
THIS BOY ROCKS MY SOCKS IM NOT WEARING SOCKS
I forgot this was improv for a minute
Bad sketch. Good improv
I want to make stuff up
ORAL SEX JOKES LOL
The world needs more oral sex. Sex for everyone
Ok more Skidmore I’m ready
I want this girl’s hair
Not on my head just to have and to hold
SANTAA CHRISTMAS
Poetry is so weird
This is going on too long or I’m high
I think saw this same boy earlier. Where are you from funny boy
I want the cheese back
MORE CHEESE PLEASE
Ok it’s over im going to go get some cheese

_________________________________________________

In case you were wondering, she did not get any cheese. And also Sargento was recalled the next day so whoever did get cheese, please let us know if you r ok. Finally, our sober reviewer, sorry that we made you do this.

 SOBER

BEGINNING THOUGHTS:
It’s actually very cool that our school does this
I thought everyone here was too clinically depressed and/or high to be funny
I seem to be sitting near the comedy kids section. Everyone is doing a bit.
Too many bits

THE WHISTLING SHRIMP:
Improv is the cause of my crippling anxiety
This boy in the green shirt looks like the PC from those Apple commercials
These people are all very loud but funny
The girls are the funniest. The feminist in me is pleased but still angry about the patriarchy

CHOCOLATE CAKE CITY:
Where is Emerson
I need to know what that boy puts in his hair
They’re all wearing plaid. I’m guessing this means Emerson is somewhere in the North East
Love Shack is a GREAT song and I will never admit otherwise
I would invest in this singing boy. He’s going places.

THE SKETCHIES:
People are very excited. This is the most school spirit I have ever seen
Way to go Skidmore, you apathetic nerds
No divorce, abortion, or suicide jokes yet. But this is only the first sketch
Dancing boy in the apron is the most excited person I have ever seen
Chanting really will excite any audience. Smart Sketchies
Haha. Dicks.
It’s funny because it’s true! Avant garde theater DOES suck!

LUNCHBOX:
Are they wearing diapers for no reason or did I miss something
None of these kids skip leg day. Surprising for comedy nerds. Well done
I’m naming my next pet Tall Bill. Very catchy
I think I have seen this sketch on SNL
Note to self: people love free cheese

FERAL CHRISTINE:
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
This guy is really about bowling. Live your truth, man
Haha. Boys having sex!
I’m really sorry, I had to go to the bathroom at this point.
I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say this was HILARIOUS

AWKWARD KIDS TALKING:
More Skidmore! Are we a bit narcissistic? The audience is thrilled anyway
Some of these kids are very awkward but some are not. I feel misled
This boy coming up with rhymes on the spot is very impressive. I am not good at poetry
I want to know where this girl got her mom jeans. Mom jeans are still in, right?
Tall girl really likes to be on the floor

END THOUGHTS:
Generally glad I went to this
Generally un-glad that I had to be the sober one
Generally attracted to the 3 MCs/Producers. Anyone got their phone numbers? Lmk

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Thanks guys! What a journey we all went on together. I learned that at Comfest, there’s a lot of skinny boys and dancing and sometimes there’s free cheese. I will definitely be going back next year. A+ comedy nerds.

 

Weekend Distractions CXXXXI

Thursday, February 9th, 2017

THURSDAY:

5:00pm – “What in God’s Name? Religion and Politics in the 2016 Presidential Election” @ Palamountain
5:00pm – Soundmind @ Tang
5:30pm – Art and the Brain @ Filene (Canceled – will be rescheduled)
6:00pm – Middle East Documentary Series @ Spa
6:30pm – Upstate Collage Night @ Tang (postponed until Thursday, February 23, 6:30)

FRIDAY:

12:00pm – Call Your Legislators Calling Party @ Spa
6:00pm – Big Green Scream @ Williamson Sports Center
7:00pm – Comfest @ JKB
8:00pm – Bartók Series: New Orford String Quartet @ Zankel
10:00pm – Black History Month Open Mic Night
10:30pm – Saratoga Sixteen and Hip Hop Showcase @ Tang

SATURDAY:

10:00am – Skidmore Alpine Ski Carnival @ Gore
5:00pm – Wind Festival Chamber Ensembles @ Zankel
7:00pm – Yuanxiao Festival Celebration @ ICC
7:00pm – Comfest @ JKB
8:00pm – New York Woodwind Quintet @ Zankel

SUNDAY:

10:00am – Skidmore Alpine Ski Carnival @ Gore
2:00pm – Wind Festival Concert Band @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Auditions Tonight!

Sunday, September 13th, 2015
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If I hear that cups song one more time

If you think you’re funny or fancy yourself the next Josh Groban (ew), auditions are happening Sunday, September 13. TONIGHT.

Skidomedy Auditions

6:00 PM @ Falstaffs

Bandersnatcher Auditions

7:30 PM @ Filene

* If you don’t know where these places are located yet I suggest you ask someone that’s not wearing a lanyard or run a quick lap around Perimeter Rd asap. We’ll be sure to let you know about more events tomorrow.

Headliners Announced for 2015 National College Comedy Festival

Saturday, December 13th, 2014
You want it, you got it.

No Dane Cook, but I’ll probably go anyway.

The hype is over, or maybe it’s just beginning. The professional headliners for this year’s National College Comedy Festival have been announced, and boy is it gonna be a steamy one.

In case you didn’t know (I didn’t), comedy has this whole “scene” to it, like music and film and shit. There’s a layered culture surrounding it: you have your popular mainstream stuff, you have your well-but-not-super-well-known comedians, and then you have your up-and-coming comedians. And they have, like, schools you can go to and all that. And ComFest usually does a really solid job of bringing a variety of comedians at different levels of success and popularity–in addition to some great college groups.

So if you’re into comedy (or want/claim to be into it), read on and learn more about this year’s lineup (which should make for one fuck of a show) so you can have one more thing to be pretentious about. Click to continue »

2015 ComFest Headliners To Be Announced This Friday (11/12)

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014
Ready yourself.

Ready yourself.

That’s right. It’s almost here, lovers of funny. No, not ComFest itself. That’ll be early next semester, which at this point–what with your seemingly insurmountable pile of work that you probably have yet to put a dent in–probably seems like a couple lifetimes away. I’m talking about the announcement for the ComFest headliners!

For those of you who don’t know, the National College Comedy Festival is a huge comedy festival founded and hosted by Skidmore that brings together some of the best college comedy groups from across the country, as well as both established and up-and-coming professional acts. Past ComFest headliners have included the Upright Citizens Brigade, BriTANicKTJ & Dave, Kate Berlant, Rory Scovel, the Improvised Shakespeare Company, Derrick Comedy, and loads of others. Those names might not really mean anything to you, but they’re huge names in the realm of comedy.

The headliners for this year’s ComFest (Feb. 13-14) will be announced via the festival’s Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram pages. (Wow! So many social media options! Free market! Laissez-faire! USA! We really oughta torturing people for information!) So follow those sites and keep your ears/eyes posted for the announcement and information on the professional acts (they better have some women in there, because this is the 21st century, and we’re all well aware of the fact that women are, in fact, funny).

Tickets for ComFest will go on sale early next semester, so also stay tuned for info on that. A video of last year’s first college show can be viewed below, which also contains a link to the second night.

Skidomedy Presents: “Definitive Evidence of a Loving God” (11/8)

Saturday, November 8th, 2014
Whoa.

All other poster designers can pack it up for the semester.

The eleventh hour is upon us. Go to Gannett tonight well after the point-of-no-sober-return to catch Skidomedy’s big show of the semester: “Definitive Evidence of a Loving God.”

If you caught the sketch comedy group’s set at Triple Threat, then got a brief taste of what to expect  from the group, who are looking stronger (and probably bigger) than ever. There was mugging. There was a couple singing in a park while a dude was shanked after, you guessed it, getting mugged. There was high school bullying. There was a little girl writing about her sexual frustrations in her diary: “I’M SO GODDAMNED WET IT’S LIKE I SAT IN SOUP ALL DAY!”

It was funny shit. And all new material written by this semester’s line-up, so just imagine what an hour’s worth of this stuff will do to you! It might make you feel better. You know. About that thing that happened last night.

And besides, as we’ve alluded to before, any comedy group that’s essentially been told by the administration “we’re watching you” because they’ve done so much controversial and edgy shit is SURE to make for a good time.

Weekend Distractions CXXVII

Thursday, November 6th, 2014

THURSDAY:
6:00pm – Double Drops: Remix Party @ Tang
7:00pm – Cab Troupe: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee @ Filene
7:00pm – Fatal Assistance Film Screening & Director’s Talk @ Davis
8:00pm – Lively Lucy Presents: Kitten Forever & Eskimo Sister @ Falstaff’s
8:00pm – Ad-Libs & Drastics In the Dark @ Gannett
8:00pm – Harvest Festival @ Case Green

FRIDAY:
5:30pm – Lecture: Todd Miller, Author of Border Patrol Nation @ Davis
7:00pm – Cab Troupe: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee @ Filene
8:00pm – Lively Lucy’s Presents: Psymon Spine & Zula @ Falstaff’s
8:30pm – Skidmore Halfbreds vs. Le Moyne @ Ice Rink

SATURDAY:
1:00pm – LL Championship: Field Hockey vs. William Smith @ Wagner Park
6:00pm – ACA’s 3rd Annual Cultural Night Market @ Case 1st Floor
7:00pm – Cab Troupe: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee @ Filene
8:00pm – Skidmore Orchestra Performance @ Zankel
10:05pm – Spectrum: Inferno @ Falstaff’s
11:00pm – Skidomedy Presents: Definitive Evidence of a Loving God @ Gannett

Missing something? Let us know in the comments!

Drunk, High, & Sober: Triple Threat

Saturday, October 11th, 2014

Hello all.

So Triple Threat was fun, right???  What a lovely collection of funny people. I liked the part where someone paid like $70 to make people kiss.  I’d like to have the money for that one day. Anyway, here are three different reactions from SU writes under various states of influence. I hope you will enjoy the notes I took during the show, sans autocorrect. There was alcohol involved.

(Woah I just realized there’s a pretty great double meaning in that title.)

Drunk

TRIPLE THREAT NOTES
BLOWING KISSES
FANTASTIC BECCA
SO MANY SKIDOMEDT
whi is long haired boy
andrew pretty
lotta choking
i forgot britanny was in this
but im a fan
#dildos
ballsack
there is a dad next to me????
im pretty horny after this one
nick looks like robin
bobby does gr8 greaser accent
keegan good punk believable
SO SILLY
WHAT AN UNCOMFIRTABLE SITUATION
DAD BEXT TO ME IS ENJOYING EVERYTHING SO FAR FINDS EVERYTHING PLEASANT
riistershies
ehat a commitions!
adult tiys douns fun
WET
DAD LIKES CLIT JOKES
I WINDER IF HE FINDS IT RELATAVLE

AD LIB TIME
MY LITTLE ELF PRINCE IS IN TWO GROUPS
HI ADAM
WHO IS TINY GLASSES GIRL??????
SOFT GRUNGE
HAVING SEX WITH SHEA WOULD BE LIKE HAVING SEX WITH A BEAUTIFUL ELF PRINCESS WHO HAS FORGOTTEN THE WAYS OF THE SECULAR FLESH
AWKWARD CLAP
WE WILL ALL DIE ONE DAY BUT DOES THAT TRULY MATTER
OF COURSE NOT
IMPROV CLASSROOM A CLASSIC
GOOD JOB BECCA
OMG IS THIS STILL HAOOENING???
IMPROV TAKES A WHILE
WHATEVER
ROLLIN???? OKAY
im lost what is haooenign
wait magbe too drubk????  oh no

OH NO SKETCHIE TIME
WHAT FRESH HELL AWAITS US
THIS IS ALREADY TORTUROUS
BUTT KISSING DESERVES NO CLAPS
two mugging sketches in one night i am seeing a pattern
we live in a police state how are we not terrified
wait i agve seen this sketch before come on guts
i need booze
daddy needs his fix
oh they eat abortions that is rich
high quality
#humanity
morgan can get it
howl
whi wrote this
i want names
feel free to reply in the comments
#fulldisclosure
??????
wait THIS ISNT IMPROV ITS A SKETCH
WILD
WOAH THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND
HALLIE RUN

AUCTIONTIME WHI WILLEIDAD REMAINS BEMUSED
TOO MUCH MONEY AND SCREAMING
IT IS DIFFICULT TI CARE ABOUT THEDE FOUR PEOPLE
im getting more alcohol
SAVE IT OR SHAVE IT
DAD HAS LEFT GOODBYE DAD
nipple
i thubk somewhere diwn the line i got confused about what comedy is.
kissing meaningless

 

I hope that dad had fun.

Yours,
Hannibal Burgess.


 

High

Up next are the notes from our resident high writer, Charmander (probably lit the blunt with its fire tail, yoooooooooo)

Hi friends here we goooooooo
Near front holla
Ridiculous music on point
COME ON FILENE OHHH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
ONE MINUTE LATE hmmmmm
Tummys a tinglin’ excite to laugh
Hella overcrowded like HOMIES new location next year
Kazoo woman marry me
Zooooooted
This motorboat sketch is a trip
Mouse teeth killin the game rn
I’m so heart warned!
TAKE THE FALL U GO MAN SORRY BB
Sweater game too strong in this group like DAYUM
SKIDOMEDU SET THAT BAT HIGH LETS GO TRUPLE THREAT
VER
SACE
Smart one liners
Stoned and oh so happy
Rolling up oh my god you geniuses all on board here
It’s all good the comedy is good this year congrats guys you made it
So high
SKETCHIES DANCE TURNED NE ON 9000%
Soul crushing comedy at it’s finest
Katsup? Really?
Very amused at  this improv joke
Versace boys gone god bless
So far all of the comedians are attractive it goes here for this group too
Will there be food at auction? Doubt it #lame

AUCTIONSSSSSS
THIS IS SO HEATED I LOVE IT HUMAN AUCTUONING AT ITS FINEST
I’m glad everyone is drunk good job friends
We aren’t ok to auction though oopssssssssss
Sad about not having beardy be nice to me for a week ugh
Shaving was scary but oh my this is a treat
People at this school need to learn how to math


 

Sober

Finally, here are the sober notes from writer Dr. Spaceman.  They are rather coherent!  Let’s read them together, shall we?

GENERAL:

  • So many humans. So many loud, sweaty humans.
  • There were a bunch of drunk freshman biddies in front of me going into GREAT detail about what they would do to each and every comedy boy. Watch out, Sketchie boys, the freshman coming for you. And they like your butts. Oh yes, they like your butts.
  • I don’t know 99% of this school anymore. There seemed to be a plethora of sad, white girls in black cardigans. Glad to see nothing has changed.

SKIDOMEDY:

  • For some odd reason, VERY focused on the theme of muggers/stabbing…..you tryna tell us something? I mean, it was still funny….but when that’s your go-to gag, time to start thinking of some new, not-as-violent-or-way-more-violent stuff.
  • My favorite sketch was those two girls diary writing. I was straight up sobbing with laughter. Who knew female sexual frustration could be so damn hilarious? Oh wait, probably because every female at Skidmore could relate to it.

AD-LIBS:

  • After a traumatizing 5th grade improv class, I personally am inclined to hate improv comedy. Nothing personal, Ad-Libs.
  • They tagged each other out REALLY quickly. Is that like a fancy improv technique, or did they all just really want more attention?
  • The dog-rapping thing could have SO uncomfortably not funny, but both the performers were so bizzarely funny that I had to enjoy it.
  • Full disclosure: I was in the bathroom for most of this, pooping and thinking about how life is cyclical. So uh, they had good energy, I guess?

SKETCHIES:

  • Any utilizing of our generation’s songbird Jason DeRulo will win my heart. I imagine they just went to Fallstaff’s and observed the masses to get inspiration for the dance routine.
  • That abortion/hamburger joint sketch probably pissed off a TON of people and will probably put the Sketchies on the shit list of the angry gender studies majors for life, but I loved it.
  • The “Howl” sketch was the weirdest shit ever. However, all my friends who were very high thought it was HILARIOUS. Maybe they wrote it, automatically assuming 50% of the audience would be high. In which case, I commend you, you beautiful monsters.

AUCTION:

  • Really uncomfortable. Always really uncomfortable. This was definitely the part where I most strongly wished I wasn’t sober.
  • People here are either insanely wealthy or insanely stupid. Probably both.
  • Ugh, being sober at these things is the worst. Never again. #College

 


 

So, that’s that! Just goes to show that substances are the only REAL way to have fun. I kid, I kid. Mostly?

GREAT JOB, COMEDY!

Triple Threat Comedy Show & Live Auction

Thursday, October 9th, 2014
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I need sunglasses to look at this for an extended period of time.

(Editor’s Note: Due to some recent complaints we received about our most recent coverage  of the Skidmore comedy groups, we’ve decided to let our official comedy consultant “A skidmore person” offer a more spirited write-up of the event. So if any of this has the potential to bother you, please just scroll down to the bottom and see what a real comedy expert has to say on the matter.)

Before you know it, it’ll be February, and with the coldest and most depressing month of the year (s/o to Valentine’s Day) comes one of the most beloved events here at Skidmore: ComFest. This Friday, you’ll be able to get a sampling of what to expect with Triple Threat, annual showcase of all three three of the four Skidmore comedy groups and ComFest fundraiser. The evening usually goes like this. The Ad-Libs, Skidomedy, and The Sketchies each come out and perform 10-15 minute long sets (during which you may writhe with bitterness at them taking “those schmucks” instead of you). After that, they’ll bring all the comedians out on stage and will hold an auction in which you can bid for the comedians to do “weird things.” (No, not that kind of “weird things.”)

It’s pretty hilarious. They’ve auctioned off some pretty sweet stuff in the past, including (but certainly not limited to):

  • shaving a comedian’s facial hair on stage
  • being tucked in to bed by one of the comedy groups
  • the chance to appear in a group’s sketch/set
  • a dhall date with the comedian of your choosing (they used to do a legitimate town, but apparently some dude was hella creepy about it and ruined it for everyone)
  • a long-winded compliment from one of the comedians
  • a $5 bill
  • having any two comedians make out on stage (this usually ends up being two dudes, because guys kissing is still pretty funny, I guess?)

I’m sure the list this year will include some of the above, but they generally do a pretty solid job of switching things up. And before you roll your eyes and sit down to write a SkidNews Op-Ed thinkpiece about how Skidmore students throw so much money at meaningless shit and demonstrate the economic privilege encapsulated by small liberal arts colleges, you should probably know that all of the proceeds go toward producing the National College Comedy Festival, which annual brings college and professional comedy groups from across the country–and has received shout outs from the New York Fucking Times. So it’s a good cause.

Of course, the auction is only the icing on the comedic cake, as the evening’s main highlight will be the short and sweet sets from the comedy groups. First, we have The Ad-Libs, who never fail to impress with their quick humor and endless flow of one-liners. You definitely remember seeing them at Freshman Showcase back when you were a bushy-tailed freshman and thought, “I wish I could do that. Maybe people would like me then.” Or maybe that was just me. Either way, odds are the Ad-Libs will milk every one of their 15 minutes and produce some improv gold. Check out their set from ComFest last year and get excited about what they have in store.

Next up is Skidomedy, always displaying a wide variety of comedic styles filled with smart (yes, smart) humor and well placed pop-culture references. They also consistently manage to inadvertently (or advertently?) rattle the cage with a healthy dose of controversy. That “Crustacean” sketch from ComFest is still legendary. And last year they faked someone’s death for like 30 seconds. Both were hilarious and resulted in a some people complaining to SGA or something. So you know they’re doing something right. They’re also roughly the size of the Treblemakers, so odds are you probably know someone in the group and should go to support them. Here’s their set from last year’s ComFest.

Lastly, we have The Sketchies. You’ve probably been very unsettled by their patented brand of rude and off-beat humor. You’ve probably found yourself thinking “Yo that’s pretty fucked-up” after one of their sketches. But that never stops the group from consistently producing hilariously enjoyable sketches exhibiting strong writing, bizarre premises, and humor as dark as their all-black attire. Check out their ComFest set for a small sampling.

Regardless of which comedy group best fits your bag, the evening’s sure to deliver, and we’ll have three correspondents covering it for our first installment of “Drunk, High, and Sober” (pretty self-explanatory, but more on that later). So show up at 10pm in Filene, bring cash (no credit card or Skidcard accepted), and start the weekend off right.

Hi Skiddies. User “A skidmore person” here. I love the comedy groups. No. You don’t understand. I FUCKING LOVE SKIDMORE COMEDY GROUPS. I get aroused just thinking about them. And the acapella groups. And just Skidmore in general. I consider myself to be something of a Skidmore comedy aficionado, so take it from me: you should really go to Triple Threat tomorrow night at 10:00pm in Filene. They’ll be doing funny things. I’ll be there in the front row, so come say hi. You’ll know me when you see me because I’ll be rubbing one out during the sets.

Unofficial Guide to A Capella & Comedy Auditions (Fall 2014 Edition)

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Tomorrow begins that most wonderful time of the semester when self-identified artsy kids are pitted against each other in the Coliseum of Talent that we know as auditions. Our performance club/student ratio is like 12:1, so it’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed about what auditions are happening when/where. And since our student announcement system is still ass, we figured we’d compile the info for a capella and comedy auditions. Obviously there are other groups who have auditions in the upcoming week(s), but I didn’t get any Facebook invites to those, so it’s their fucking loss.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

A Capella Groups: (They’re literally all tomorrow in the same two-hour time slot, and some of them conflict, but I guess you figure it out? Sounds like some Pitch Perfect level shit to me.)

The Accents (all female; quirky; definitely cooler than you): 9/8 @ 7pm. Somewhere on the first floor of Bolton. Bring a verse and chorus of two songs. None of that stupid musical theater Wicked shit.

The Bandersnatchers (all male; 95% sure they’re sponsored by Vineyard Vines; “sounds good to me”; 9/8 @ 7pm. Wilson Chapel. Bring a verse and chorus of a song. But not this one.

The Drastic Measures (co-ed; they win at festivals occasionally; proceeds benefit local charities, which is 85% cool and 15% annoying): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 102. Bring a verse and chorus of a song you like.

The Dynamics (Dynos) (co-ed; oldest co-ed acapella group…out of two; have grind lines at their jams, so there’s that): 9/8 @ 8pm. Bolton 101. Bring a verse and chorus.

The Sonneteers (all female; the oldest club on campus or something; they wear pretty dresses and no shoes because, well, art; they still kind of intimidate me, but pretty and talented girls tend to do that to me): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 100. No info on the FB event, but I’m guessing you should bring a verse and chorus of a song you like. Or maybe they’ll make you yodel. I don’t know. You probably have eyes. Read one of the posters.

Comedy Groups:

Skidomedy (sketch/videos; smart comedy; pretty sure they only have one audition per year; seem like the popular/pretty older sister of the comedy groups): Monday, 9/8 & Tuesday, 9/9 @10:30 pm. Falstaff’s. Go to either or both. I auditioned once and didn’t get in and I’m fucking hilarious. So good luck.

The Sketchies (sketch/videos; wear all black; pretty dark humor, probably because they still have some dark shit from high school still festering in them): Thursday, 9/11 @ 10pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Bring lots of incest jokes or something.

The Ad-Libs (improv; officially called “The Ad-Liberal Artists” but they only ever go by “Ad-Libs,” probably because the former is a dumb name; play a lot improv games): Friday, 9/12 @ 3:30pm. Upstairs of the JKB Theater. Just show up and do improv, I guess? They also have their “newbie show” this Saturday, 9/13 @ 10pm in the Wiecking basement. They’re usually shitfaced at this.

Awkward Kids Talking (AKT) (improv; does short and long form games like creating entire movies live and from scratch; also holds open improv rehearsals on Sundays, which is pretty dope): Friday, 9/19 @ 3:30pm & 6pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Show up and be funny.

Best of luck if you’ve conjured the courage to audition for any clubs this week. If you want the advice of someone who’s never gotten into one of these things, just go to all of them and see what happens. If you’re here, odds are you were probably hot shit in high school–and a part of you might think you’ll be hot shit here at Skidmore. And you might be right. But there will be approximately a fuck-ton of people auditioning for these groups, so shit can get selective. So it’s better to audition for too many and have to choose than to put all your money on getting into that one group you may or may not actually gel with.

And if you don’t get in to any of the groups this semester, you can always audition next semester. Plus you can still go to the shows and get invited to their after-parties! And unlike the hockey team’s parties, they’re not a fucking creepfest.