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What Your Yankee Mother Never Told You

Wednesday, September 16th, 2015
Screen Shot 2015-09-12 at 4.07.36 PM

This could be you

 

Skidmore Unofficial Presents: What Your Yankee Mother Never Told You (A Go-To Guide for Skidmore Girls)

Four score and seven years ago your Mom and Dad (Mom and Mom, Dad and Dad, etc.) dropped you off, kissed you on the forehead, and drove away six speeds to the wind back to New Jersey (don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, they’re having an amazing time without you). (There’s also a seventy-eight percent chance they’re having sex on your childhood bed right now).

Meanwhile, you are either the coolest person on campus or you’re sitting on a rock outside of Kimball crying on the phone to your BFF Jill from UMass Amherst. You may even be thinking of throwing yourself off Jonsson/Johnson Tower (I’ve been there) (don’t do it).

Whether you’re disenchanted, riddled with insecurity, or experiencing complete euphoria, below is some advice/wisdom/stupidity. Take it or don’t, it’s not like I talk to people born after 1995 anyway.

Roommates (ugh)

If you like your roommates, congratulations. I’d rather live in a fucking Halfway House than share a 10′-7″ x 19′-10″ room with two eighteen-year-old women. My friend from Bard’s roommate took a shit on her bed freshman year and she’s never been the same.

Insularity

I can promise you it’s super lame if you’re still hanging with your high school friends Hudson and Jemma from Packer Collegiate Institute or whatever two point five years into being here.

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Khaled Hosseini Lecture In Zankel Tomorrow (Update: Cancelled)

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014
He has a big heart.

He has a big heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day week! What’s more romantic than chocolate, candy, and cards? Lectures. So, come on down to Zankel tomorrow at 7pm with that person you’ve had your eye on since freshman year but never built up the courage to ask out. Good thing you both read The Kite Runner in high school – I see a lasting relationship for the two of you.

Tomorrow night Khaled Hosseini, the author of the Kite Runner, will be lecturing. Khaled Hosseini is the bestselling Afghan born American author of The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns, and And the Mountains Echoed.

A fun fact about The Kite Runner: It was published in 2003, immediately becoming an international bestseller. The novel was published in 70 countries, however, never in Afghanistan.

While this event is sold out, it will be simulcast in Gannett, Davis and Emerson. Thanks to Saratoga Reads and Skidmore Speakers Bureau, this is an incredible opportunity you don’t want to miss.

(Updates: Saratoga Reads writes, “The Khaled Hosseini event at Skidmore College scheduled for Wednesday evening, Feb. 12, has been cancelled because the author’s travel plans have been disrupted by storms in the South. The event, organized by Saratoga Reads in partnership with Skidmore College and theSaratoga Springs Public Library, will be rescheduled and a new date will be announced once it has been determined. Other events related to the author’s visit are also canceled.”)

 

Skidmore Crushes Plays With Your Heart, Fire

Monday, February 18th, 2013

In other news, some quixotic young matchmakers have taken it upon themselves to play cupid for the ENTIRE FUCKING SCHOOL, with the creation of Skidmore Crushes, a new…blog? Circle jerk? Middle school gym class? Whatever you want to call it, the site is based off a Brandeis idea, which makes sense if you think about how weird and uncomfortable this whole thing really is.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept behind Skidmore Crushes, here’s how it works: you send in the name of someone you’re currently (or would like to begin) stalking, and the person who runs the group anonymously tags them in a post. In the extremely unlikely event that said stalkee reciprocates your feelings of lust/obsession, Skidmore Crushes will put you both in touch, which will leave you free to begin a beautiful relationship based on fear, trepidation, and social ineptitude.

If dating here at Skidmore hasn’t yet made you a cold, jaded misanthrope, then by all means, cast some names out there into the ether. I would, however, exercise caution. This thing is very close to being the third incarnation of the (mercifully) dead ACB, except that you’re not necessarily guaranteed anonymity and nobody knows who runs it. I mean, these people could just be stockpiling secrets, waiting to unleash them at just the right time! He who controls information controls the world! WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?! WAR IS PEACE!! FREEDOM IS SLAVERY!! IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!!

(via Skidmore Crushes)