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What Your Yankee Mother Never Told You

Wednesday, September 16th, 2015
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This could be you

 

Skidmore Unofficial Presents: What Your Yankee Mother Never Told You (A Go-To Guide for Skidmore Girls)

Four score and seven years ago your Mom and Dad (Mom and Mom, Dad and Dad, etc.) dropped you off, kissed you on the forehead, and drove away six speeds to the wind back to New Jersey (don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, they’re having an amazing time without you). (There’s also a seventy-eight percent chance they’re having sex on your childhood bed right now).

Meanwhile, you are either the coolest person on campus or you’re sitting on a rock outside of Kimball crying on the phone to your BFF Jill from UMass Amherst. You may even be thinking of throwing yourself off Jonsson/Johnson Tower (I’ve been there) (don’t do it).

Whether you’re disenchanted, riddled with insecurity, or experiencing complete euphoria, below is some advice/wisdom/stupidity. Take it or don’t, it’s not like I talk to people born after 1995 anyway.

Roommates (ugh)

If you like your roommates, congratulations. I’d rather live in a fucking Halfway House than share a 10′-7″ x 19′-10″ room with two eighteen-year-old women. My friend from Bard’s roommate took a shit on her bed freshman year and she’s never been the same.

Insularity

I can promise you it’s super lame if you’re still hanging with your high school friends Hudson and Jemma from Packer Collegiate Institute or whatever two point five years into being here.

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Sean Tyrrell performs “Who Killed James Joyce”

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

Below is the description offered by the Skidmore.edu events calender for an event at Falstaff’s Wednesday night.

Drawing from the musical traditions of his native Galway, folk singer Sean Tyrrell returns to the brimming well of Irish poetry and summons a collection of poets, both living and the dead, to bring home a bountiful literary harvest delivered in his pure unadulterated voice with the sparest, bare-boned style on tenor guitar. Sean’s 1999 release, The Orchard, was voted Best Folk Album by the readers if Irish Music Magazine.

  • Who wrote this? I started making a list of all the funny lines but then I realized I was just transcribing the whole thing.
  • Best Folk Album as voted by “Irish Music Magazine?” Is that a thing? Like does Irish Music Magazine release a top 10 list? Who  got Best Rap Album?
  • Who schedules these events? Have they ever met a Skidmore student? I hope this is in someway associated with an academic class.
  • Anyway Sean Tyrrell will be performing “Who Killed James Joyce” at Falstaff’s at 7pm on Wednesday. Check out his “his pure unadulterated voice.”