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In Honor of Our New Freshmen: An SU Classic

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

If only they knew…

Originally posted in the Skidmore Unofficial Freshman Orientation Guide 

The Official Unofficial Guide to Making It Through Your First Skidmore Fall Alive:

Hey, Freshmen, We wrote you an orientation guide to help you slide smoothly into the world of post-adolescent responsibility. Before you read it, make sure you play a name game or two.  Get it?  You probably had to play so many name games this week. Ha ha! Anyway, we hope this helps you get even more oriented and we hope you have fun at Skidmore. Make sure to sharpen your pencils and wear your fancy clothes because if you don’t present yourself as a well-dressed and academically serious student from the get-go you will remain lonely until the day you graduate and be socially under-prepared for the rest of your life. Enjoy!


In college, we have a saying. It goes: Beer before liquor, get drunk quicker. Liquor before beer, you’re a queer. Or something like that. I don’t know. Sayings are hard to remember. The point is, you’re going to get drunk and you’re going to puke. A lot. Don’t worry though, somebody else will clean it up for you. Also, that’s a good way to make friends. “Hey, are you cleaning up puke? Did you know that’s my puke?” “Oh, cool. I’m Jeffrey. Want to play video games?” That’s pretty much how it goes. We have another saying too. It goes: Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. You can do anything in college and blame it on being drunk.Literally. Anything.

Anonymous Confession Board: has an Anonymous Confession Board (ACB) where you can talk about how you have a crush on Lucas Frank or complain about your roommate’s odors. Have you seen Ghostbusters II? The ACB is like the river of pink slime that runs underneath the city and makes everyone feel unpleasant feelings. If you post on it, please try to be nice. We reserve the right to delete anything for pretty much any reason. We’re not sure how we feel about the ACB, but people tell us it’s an enormous waste of time, so we keep it around. Maybe someday some people will get married because of one of the missed connections posts. Probably not. Please be nice.Runners Up: Adderall, Absences, Arson, Anal, Alpine, Apathy

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Yo Everybody, is back!

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Hello former readers. Hello barely legal freshmen. Hello snooping school administrators. We’re bringing the site back and it is going to be bigger and better and full of more empty promises! I hope you enjoyed our time apart but I think we should really try and make it work this time.

Some of you may have found the print editions of our Freshmen Orientation Guide scattered around campus. Congratulations, you now own a piece of Internet History. If you weren’t lucky or popular enough to get yourself a copy, fear not: we’ll be posting the whole thing up here over the next couple of days.

Come back soon,
The Editorial Team