Freshman Class

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What Your Yankee Mother Never Told You

Wednesday, September 16th, 2015
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This could be you

 

Skidmore Unofficial Presents: What Your Yankee Mother Never Told You (A Go-To Guide for Skidmore Girls)

Four score and seven years ago your Mom and Dad (Mom and Mom, Dad and Dad, etc.) dropped you off, kissed you on the forehead, and drove away six speeds to the wind back to New Jersey (don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, they’re having an amazing time without you). (There’s also a seventy-eight percent chance they’re having sex on your childhood bed right now).

Meanwhile, you are either the coolest person on campus or you’re sitting on a rock outside of Kimball crying on the phone to your BFF Jill from UMass Amherst. You may even be thinking of throwing yourself off Jonsson/Johnson Tower (I’ve been there) (don’t do it).

Whether you’re disenchanted, riddled with insecurity, or experiencing complete euphoria, below is some advice/wisdom/stupidity. Take it or don’t, it’s not like I talk to people born after 1995 anyway.

Roommates (ugh)

If you like your roommates, congratulations. I’d rather live in a fucking Halfway House than share a 10′-7″ x 19′-10″ room with two eighteen-year-old women. My friend from Bard’s roommate took a shit on her bed freshman year and she’s never been the same.

Insularity

I can promise you it’s super lame if you’re still hanging with your high school friends Hudson and Jemma from Packer Collegiate Institute or whatever two point five years into being here.

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Decision 2013: A Silent Voter’s Guide To The Freshman Presidential Race

Wednesday, September 18th, 2013

This is the most diverse candidate pool for freshman senator-at-large and class president ever in the history of Skidmore, ever. At least that’s what they’re saying. These 2017ers are an eager bunch, coming from all across the world, to Skidmore, specifically, so that they can make your voice heard. This is undoubtedly the tightest freshman presidential race in the last four years, I mean, I always thought if you run, you win, but NOT this year. Skidmore SGA has asked all candidates to send in promo videos in order to introduce themselves, and you can head to their Youtube page now and see all 8 senator-at-large nominees and 5 freshman class presidential hopefuls. It’s certainly a wide range of kids. You freshman have a lot of tough decisions to make.

But, lucky for you, this presidential race is  fail proof, because these aren’t your average politicians. They don’t speak in big words or all that political mumbo jumbo meant to confuse us. Hell, these guys don’t even think bi-partisanship makes an effective government. This is a progressive bunch, the future of Skidmore politics is ardent and bright. It seems as if every single candidate is wholly qualified to strive in office. It’s rare that every candidate is so prepared and on the same page; they all want every voice to be heard, they all want to work for you, they all want the freshman class to be a cohesive one, and most importantly, they all believe in you. Now I’m not saying that these are bad platforms to run-on, they’re most certainly not, some of the greatest politicians who ever lived believed in you, but it’s clear that with such overlapping promises, it’s going to be a tough decision for the class of 2017.

BUT, lucky for you, we’ve assessed each candidate-endorsed video, with the sound OFF, in order to help with this nearly impossible decision. Because they all might be, kinda, saying the same thing, but each video certainly isn’t saying the same thing, if you catch my drift.

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