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Comfest 2017: Drunk, High, Sober Review

Sunday, March 5th, 2017

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Hey daddies! Everyone remember Comfest from a few weeks ago? We do because we had a BLAST at that shindig. Funny is the new sexy, at least that’s what I tell myself. Anyway, The National College Comedy Festival is the biggest and awesomest college comedy festival in existence featuring student groups from around the country as well as really cool professional acts.

We sent three of our debauched writers to the first student show of Comfest under different states of inebriation to see what they thought. Please enjoy our drunk, high and sober review of Comfest. Comedians if you read this, sorry we did this to you. We respect your craft.

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First up on the roster, our resident alcoholic. Apparently there is no food or drink allowed in the theater but you’ll be glad to know our writer got fully away with it. Good luck with that in the future.

DRUNK

Time for comedy
Broccoli…why
I need to be more drunk for this
Is Jared Klein watching me
Don’t see the beard and weird cap so think I’m all good
Are bean boots part of their team uniform
Why is there so much fruit

I’m just so confused
I think I missed the premise of this so I’m confused
Why is this young man is yelling 80s songs at me
Tom and Jerry gay couple? I COULD BE INTO THAT
Man dropping the table during intermission
Highlight of my night
Now table I can get into
Did he just say vulva? You have my attention

I HAVE A CLASS WITH THAT KID IN THE BLACK SHIRT
They are all wearing black I am drunk
The wheelchair no absolutely not wow yes
That boy is so bendy
I wish the music was louder so I can truly jam
Omg property brothers that’s my shiiiiiiiit
Donald Glover DID win the Emmy
I don’t believe!! They’re brainwashing me!
This director sketch. Yep they’re definitely brainwashing me
I knew they would brainwash me at some point

These kids are legit!!! They’re wearing diapers!!!
CHEESE??! Officially the best group

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
I thought this was supposed to be about Los Angeles
Wow v acrobatic

So confused by their voices
Is that ok?
BENDY BOY IS BACK
Yeah no forreal this tall beautiful girl has a weird voice
Boy byyyeeee

_________________________________________________

Is this fun yet? I’m having fun, although I don’t feel like I know what happened at Comfest yet. Let’s try again with our high flyer.

 HIGH

Hi everyone and also hi me I will read this later
And also high me lol
Ready for some laughs
This is very crowded I feel crowded
Improvvv they make it up as they go along and THAT is fly
Tall blonde is so tall how tall are you boy
BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS
Stompy boots
I have to pee already
Siiinnngggiiinng. I thought this was comedy I did NOT expect singing
80s MUSIC IS THE BEST MUSIC
This is funny funny funny I am laughing now
SKETCHIEEEZZZZ SKIDMORE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS GO TEAM
Work those butts skinny boys
Bruno Mars used for a good cause
Twins are not saying the same things that is the joke I get it now someone explained it to me
GOD! HELLO GOD ITS ME IM HERE TOO
People are yelling I am scared
Dicks why too many dicks on the dance flooorrr
This skit is crazy what is happening am I losing it
DIAPERS
LITTLE BABY COMEDIANS AND COMEDIENNES
CHEEEEEEEESSSSSEEEEEE
Omg cheese
Hot legs everywhere
Why aren’t my legs this hot
Tall bill was my father’s name
Girl is wearing a formal jacket with just a diaper aka life goals
MORE CHEESE ARE YOU KIDDING
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence
Boys in green sweaters are better than boys not in green sweaters
YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT ON TV
THIS BOY ROCKS MY SOCKS IM NOT WEARING SOCKS
I forgot this was improv for a minute
Bad sketch. Good improv
I want to make stuff up
ORAL SEX JOKES LOL
The world needs more oral sex. Sex for everyone
Ok more Skidmore I’m ready
I want this girl’s hair
Not on my head just to have and to hold
SANTAA CHRISTMAS
Poetry is so weird
This is going on too long or I’m high
I think saw this same boy earlier. Where are you from funny boy
I want the cheese back
MORE CHEESE PLEASE
Ok it’s over im going to go get some cheese

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In case you were wondering, she did not get any cheese. And also Sargento was recalled the next day so whoever did get cheese, please let us know if you r ok. Finally, our sober reviewer, sorry that we made you do this.

 SOBER

BEGINNING THOUGHTS:
It’s actually very cool that our school does this
I thought everyone here was too clinically depressed and/or high to be funny
I seem to be sitting near the comedy kids section. Everyone is doing a bit.
Too many bits

THE WHISTLING SHRIMP:
Improv is the cause of my crippling anxiety
This boy in the green shirt looks like the PC from those Apple commercials
These people are all very loud but funny
The girls are the funniest. The feminist in me is pleased but still angry about the patriarchy

CHOCOLATE CAKE CITY:
Where is Emerson
I need to know what that boy puts in his hair
They’re all wearing plaid. I’m guessing this means Emerson is somewhere in the North East
Love Shack is a GREAT song and I will never admit otherwise
I would invest in this singing boy. He’s going places.

THE SKETCHIES:
People are very excited. This is the most school spirit I have ever seen
Way to go Skidmore, you apathetic nerds
No divorce, abortion, or suicide jokes yet. But this is only the first sketch
Dancing boy in the apron is the most excited person I have ever seen
Chanting really will excite any audience. Smart Sketchies
Haha. Dicks.
It’s funny because it’s true! Avant garde theater DOES suck!

LUNCHBOX:
Are they wearing diapers for no reason or did I miss something
None of these kids skip leg day. Surprising for comedy nerds. Well done
I’m naming my next pet Tall Bill. Very catchy
I think I have seen this sketch on SNL
Note to self: people love free cheese

FERAL CHRISTINE:
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
This guy is really about bowling. Live your truth, man
Haha. Boys having sex!
I’m really sorry, I had to go to the bathroom at this point.
I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say this was HILARIOUS

AWKWARD KIDS TALKING:
More Skidmore! Are we a bit narcissistic? The audience is thrilled anyway
Some of these kids are very awkward but some are not. I feel misled
This boy coming up with rhymes on the spot is very impressive. I am not good at poetry
I want to know where this girl got her mom jeans. Mom jeans are still in, right?
Tall girl really likes to be on the floor

END THOUGHTS:
Generally glad I went to this
Generally un-glad that I had to be the sober one
Generally attracted to the 3 MCs/Producers. Anyone got their phone numbers? Lmk

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Thanks guys! What a journey we all went on together. I learned that at Comfest, there’s a lot of skinny boys and dancing and sometimes there’s free cheese. I will definitely be going back next year. A+ comedy nerds.

 

WE BACK

Wednesday, February 1st, 2017

What’s up daddies and children of daddies. Have you ever read The New York Times and thought, “Okay, but I wish this pertained to me specifically.”
Well look no further, dear and valued reader. It’s us, your past, present, and future favorite news source: Skidmore Unofficial. Due to a brief hiatus, you are either too senile to remember us or too young to know who we are. Our noble mission is to bring you, the skidmore student, the fun, sexy scoop on everything (and we mean everything) going on on and near our beautiful, fugly campus. This coverage is including but not limited to: concerts, club performances, speakers, open mics, comedy, campus events, sporting events, and whatever else we think you delicious skanks desperately need to know about. We pledge to maintain the highest journalistic and moral integrity while reserving the right to goof. Read to keep up with campus goings-ons, read to tell your friends that you read something today, or read because we seem like we might secretly be cute and you want to have a talking point if you ever meet us around campus.

Founder’s Day Picnic Today 4:30PM-6:30PM on South Park Green

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014
RIP Fall Fun Day

RIP Fall Fun Day

EARTH DAY 2013

Thursday, April 18th, 2013
WHOA

WHOA

Sup clowns. What are you doing this Saturday? If you answered anything other than “going to Earth Day,” then you’re a bigger clown than I thought.

Every year, WSPN and EAC put together a concert with a whole bunch of bands. It has rained every year since Earth Day 2010. Hopefully it won’t this weekend.

Here’s the list of AWESOME bands:

There’s also going to be A 75-FOOT SLIP AND SLIDE! A ROCK CLIMBING WALL! A BEER GARDEN (“Biergarten” if you must)! A PETTING ZOO!

PLUS, free food from CHIPOTLE, COMFORT KITCHEN, ESPERANTO! And ICE CREAM and ROOT BEER!

AND IT’S ON 4/20.

You high jackasses are going to fucking love this shit. I mean, A FUCKING PETTING ZOO. ON 4/20. WHAT A BAD IDEA.

Saturday April 20, 12pm @ South Green*

*Falstaff’s in case of rain.
(via Facebook)

“Fifty” Years of WSPN @ Case Gallery

Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
VERY LO-FI

VERY LO-FI

Tomorrow, come marvel at the historical relics of our humble college radio station, WSPN. Every year, the kids cool enough to get elected to the Board haul out some old junk from the office and hang it all up on the walls of Case Gallery, and tomorrow, they’ll be celebrating fifty years of broadcasting.*

According to the email I received from the lovely, effervescent, ambitious, beautiful GM, Annie Auchincloss, this year’s exhibit will include “letters from Prez Palamountain, telegrams from the FCC, and citation letters from Campo,” as well as:

  • The time WSPN was offered $25,000 for their call letters
  • The time WSPN almost died
  • The time WSPN got into a really big fight with SkidNews
  • A short history of really bad WSPN logos
  • An even shorter history of really good ones

The charming, boyish, dignified, persnickety programmer Mac Parsons will be providing tunes at tomorrow night’s opening, and apparently, there will be FOOD and BOOZE.

*The station was actually founded in 1973. Who could have guessed that a bunch of tight-jeans-wearing humanities majors would be so hopeless at math? 

Thursday April 11, 7pm @ Case Gallery

(via Facebook)

Fight Week

Monday, April 8th, 2013
Fightin'

Fightin’

Skidmore’s conflict resolution club, FIGHTClub, has organized a whole bunch of events as part of their annual Fight Week. The week is vaguely 60s themed, which is kind of ironic because I don’t really associate “conflict resolution” with that decade. College students being gunned down, Vietnamese people being burned alive, and black people getting the shit beaten out of them, certainly, but not conflict resolution.

Here’s the full schedule:

  • Tuesday April 9, 8pm @ Spa: Fight Club Screening/Free Chipotle
  • Wednesday April 10, 8pm @ Case Green: Glow-in-the-dark Capture the Flag
  • Thursday April 11, 8pm @ Spa: “The Friend Zone Game” 
  • Friday April 12, 10pm @ Tang Roof: Screamfest/60s Party

Given the hotheaded shit going on in the post below, this all seems particularly relevant (also, free food).

(via Facebook)

The Mythic Figure @ Schick Gallery

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013
William-Tucker-Eve-Vishnu

I was told it would be okay to make a joke about this sculpture’s resemblance to a dinosaur turd, but I won’t because I’m a very mature writer

Tomorrow is the opening reception for “The Mythic Figure,” an exhibition of works by sculptors William Tucker and Ed Smith and painter Pamela Avril, at the Schick Gallery.

Apparently, this is the first sculpture show at the Schick, or at least the first in a very long time (I certainly don’t remember any other sculpture shows in my time here). It’s curated by John Galt (the art professor, not the famous objectivist revolutionary).

Also, there will probably delicious free food (the chicken satay/peanut sauce combo DESTROYED THE COMPETITION at the last Schick opening I attended).

Thursday April 4, 5:30pm @ Schick Gallery

(via Facebook)

Active Minds Panel

Monday, February 25th, 2013

Active Minds is a new club dedicated to raising awareness and confronting mental health issues on campus, and they’re holding their first event on Wednesday.

The event is an open panel for people struggling with stress and mental illness, and will feature Andrew Molteni, a clinical psychologist in Skidmore’s Psych Department; the director of Skidmore’s Counseling Center; and various student representatives  with experiences dealing with various mental health issues.

There will also be “baked goods” which could really mean anything. Delicious homemade cookies or a box of fucking Entenmann’s, who knows?

Wednesday February 27, 7pm @ Emerson

(via Facebook)

Margin Call Screening

Wednesday, November 7th, 2012

Yes, Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl is in this

Tomorrow, the up and coming Masters of the Universe at SkidMarket will be screening the brilliant and underrated Margin CallThe film details the first few hours of the global financial crisis at Lehman Brothers an unnamed investment bank, as a group of executives and analysts scramble to prepare for impending disaster. It’s riveting, and anybody with an interest in Wall Street or the state of the economy would be wise to attend this screening. It also has one of the better casts in recent memory.

SkidMarket is hedging against low attendance with the guarantee of pizza and soda. I’ve also been told that Occupy Case Walkway will be staging a protest.

Thursday November 8, 7pm @ Ladd 307

Northwoods Music Festival

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

Tomorrow is the second annual Northwoods Music Festival by the Volleyball Court. A bunch of bands will be playing and there will be food. Here’s the tentative schedule:

1:00-1:30 – Trophy Wives
1:30-2:00 – Bo Beep and the Funk Sheep
2:00-2:30 – The Hilarys
2:30-3:00 – Unionized Sherpas
3:00-3:30 – Camper
3:30-4:00 –  Mugsy Boges
4:00-4:30 – DJ Some Kid
4:30-5:00 – Bandersnatchers

Should be a nice little study break. It’s all free, too.

Sunday October 14, 1pm @ Northwoods Volleyball Court