Hello, sir. You seem to be enjoying your evening. You are talking loudly and appear to be intoxicated, so much in fact that you bumped into my arm as we passed each other. An honest mistake, I’m sure, but I am afraid that my sense of honor cannot allow this infringement to go unanswered. We must now engage in fisticuffs. Have at you!

Yes, I suppose we could both go our separate ways. That would certainly have its benefits, as it would require markedly less effort and almost completely eliminate the possibility of physical harm on both of our parts. Or I could pummel your face and upper body with my fists. Now really, sir, which option seems more reasonable to you?

Now hold on, sir. If you continue to walk away, I will be forced to take drastic actions. You will leave me little choice, and, as much as it chagrins me to do so, I will call you a pussy. A pussy, sir! And there will be no doubt in the minds of these onlookers as to who the victor is.

I am a man, sir. A large, strong man. I lift weights in the gymnasium. There is little doubt that any female who has witnessed this interaction would now like to sleep with me. You, on the other hand, have proven yourself to be a scoundrel and a cad. Yes, my dear sir. A cad.

I am so very angry.