Middle school me is going crazy right now.
This weekend marks the annual Junior Ring, presented by the Junior Class Council, featuring co-sponsoship by Late Night and Falstaff’s Operating Committee. Junior Ring is a staple of the Skidmore experience, and it comes at a perfect time in the–oh fuck it I give up on trying to make all these events seem important and like they serve a bigger purpose in the grand scheme of the Skidmore experience (whatever the shit that means).
Suffice it to say that Junior Ring is happening this weekend, and it’s theme is “World Tour.” Here’s the lowdown.
The weekend begins Friday night at 7pm with the annual Mr./Ms. Skidmore competion. Designed to be a mockery of beauty pageants (which have, at this point, been solidified among one of the world’s worst social constructs), Mr./Ms. Skidmore is a series of tasks/questions/sections that culminate in the winner being crowned as the next “Skidmore superstar.” It’s worth noting that people have to get nominated in order to compete, so you know that approximately 78% of the contestants will have been nominated by their friends as some sort of joke and are just doing it to be good sports.
Hosted by comedy duo Rey and Lemay, the evening is sure to be entertaining and filled with lots of moments that blur the ever-so-fine line between “this is funny and ironic” and “this is douchey and mastrubatory as all hell.” Someone will probably be wearing a dress. Some dude will probably lip sync or dance to Britney Spears or play an ironic folk cover of a trashy pop song (you totally won’t see it coming). But hey, it’s in the Spa, so it doesn’t get much easier to slip out once you see who you came to see and decide that you’ve seen enough skin to last you the winter.
Saturday night from 10pm-2am is the main event: the Junior Ring Dance. This year’s theme is “A Night in Paris,” and if you had as sexually repressed an adolescence as I had (see: still have), you certainly don’t need me to tell you why that name is so (un)fortunate. Seriously. Does anyone on the Junior Class Council have access to Google? This is why you don’t use Bing.
Anyway, the evening is just a dance in the Big Gym. Pretty similar to prom, if you had one of those or have yet to push it into to the darkest depths of repression. There will be “great music with a twist” (uh-oh), “French delicacies, and a vineyard.” So be sure to bring your campus event card if you have one (you don’t). Rumor has it that members of the Junior Class Council will be producing your wine by stepping on grapes with their bare feet and pouring it into a glass before your very eyes, but that has yet to be confirmed. There will also be a red carpet photo-op area. So be sure to look classy, get sloshed, and find a cutie to French with for the night (hahaha someone please find and smooch me so I don’t have to go home alone for the fourth year in a row).
Tickets can be purchased until tomorrow (Friday) at 5:00pm in Case for $8, and then at the door Saturday evening for $10. Find a cutie to bring for a date and get ready for a night you’ll never forget. Because you’ll never have remembered it in the first place.
Sunday morning will round out the weekend with a “Study Break in Spain.” There’s really not much else to say about that. Stop by Falstaff’s at noon to enjoy some soothing Spanish guitar, free espresso shots, and assorted desserts while you think about what you did last night. College, am I right?
There’s also other shit going on this weekend (it’s pretty packed, because a lot of clubs/groups are getting their last shows in for the semester, so check that out in our latest Weekend Distractions.