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Top 8 Ways To Get A Ticket To The Dance

Friday, January 31st, 2014


Are you one of the lazy seniors who procrastinated too long and didn’t get a 100 Days Dance ticket in time? You were reluctant to buy one because these things always suck and then you found out all your friends were going and now you’re fucked and don’t entirely want to down whiskey sours by yourself at DA’s waiting for the whole senior class to show up? We feel you, we know you, and we want to help. I mean it’s undoubtedly shitty, right, that underclassman have tickets and ultimately the opportunity to grind up on that boy from your Scribner Seminar–who you’ve been looking at since pre-or–and banked on this being your final shot at love, or at least a hot-ass dance floor make-out. (Note: if this doesn’t work out, there’s always senior week.)

Well, we want you to finally fulfill that Freshman wet dream tonight, and so, we’ve developed 8 fail proof plans on how to make bootleg tickets to the dance. And please, these are meant only for seniors in need of a ticket, not for Craiglist, scalping, or black market deals. Try them out, they’re basically guaranteed to work, but if not, I mean, DA’s KID!

  1. Rip a friend’s ticket in half: “It got caught on my binder at the bottom of my bag. This is all I could salvage!” Fail proof and half the price.
  2. Put a normal business card in the wash. Scribble some things about a dance on it and a frog on the back. All paper that goes into the wash comes out looking about the same, right?
  3. Trace paper. Card stock. Colored Pencils. Maybe a Studio Art major friend…
  4. Redesign ticket completely and insist Joshua Nelson gave you a special one. “He said he told everyone he was doing this for me.”
  5. Photo copying is pretty fool proof. They sell the frog stamp at Suave Faire, I think?
  6. Hang around Dhall. Steal ticket from underclassman’s bag when they get up for food.
  7. Go dorm to dorm explaining that no one wants underclassman at the dance anyway. You’re saving them from embarrassment! Maybe cry a little bit. Bring a hockey player along for the muscle.
  8. Just take a friends ticket. SGA always marks down your name when you buy one. This way you have a ticket and your friend can prove they already bought one.