Creative Thought Matters

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How to Be an Asshole: Library Edition

Monday, October 13th, 2014

Do your roommates  have a ton of work to do but no motivation to get out of their beds and turn off Netflix? Is it nine p.m. and all your friends have 6 page essays due in 12 hours? Lucky for you, you don’t have anything due this week. That being said, you’re probably super bored and looking for something fun to do. All the motivated people on campus are busy studying their brains out and there’s nothing you enjoy more than being a huge distraction. It’s time to hit the library!

We know you’re not studying.

When you walk into the library,

  • Have a really loud phone conversation about something nobody wants to hear about (the terrible sex you had last night, your bowel movements, and your friends’ gossip are good starting places).
  • Talk to your friends at the desk in your most obnoxious voice possible.
  • Complain to everyone you see that you have nothing to do and you’re really bored and you honestly wish you had homework to do.

At a personal desk,

  • Make sure to pull a Goldilocks and try out a couple different seats before choosing one. At each one, talk to the people next to you, move the chair up and down a few times, and type loudly on the computer.
  • Interrupt the person next to you to ask if you can borrow a pen. If they’re wearing headphones, feel free to just pull one out of their ear.
  • Put music on your iPod and pop your earbuds in, but turn your music up all the way so all the people around you can hear what great music taste you have.
  • Immediately get on Facebook and open every video you can find. Start playing them on the computer, but make sure not to plug your headphones in until after the videos have started. Apologize loudly for making so much noise.

While “studying,”

  • Keep your phone on your desk and text all your friends. Your phone will buzz on the table every time, making a shit ton of noise, but you won’t hear it since your music is so loud.
  • Slurp your coffee loudly. It’s really hot, so make sure to blow on it too.
  • Eat loud, smelly food. Great options include: apples, carrots, celery, Indian food, egg salad, tuna sandwich, potato chips (or Sunchips because those bags are the crinkliest).
  • Let all your friends know where you are so they can come visit you and distract everyone else around you. Better yet, tell your significant other to come see you so you can make out with him/her.
  • Cough into your hands and rub them all over the keyboard. Never use hand sanitizer or wash your hands (especially after going to the bathroom).

At a group study table,

  • Claim a table entirely for yourself. Spread your things out all over it.
  • Leave all your stuff there and go to D-Hall. Leave a sign saying the table is reserved. Stay away from the library for a good few hours.

On the third floor,

  • Sneeze.
  • Make any noise at all.
  • Open your computer and let it make the turn on noise.
  • Glare at everyone who passes you to let them know you take the third floor seriously.

When printing,

  • Never print fewer than fifty pages at a time.
  • Always print in the ten minutes between class when everyone else is just trying to print their essays to turn in.
  • Use all the staples and don’t tell anyone.
  • Jam the printer and sneak away without letting anyone know it’s broken.

There you have it, friends – the best ways to be an asshole in the library! If this list isn’t extensive enough for you, feel free to come up with more creative things. After all, creative thought–oh, fuck it.

Eliza Dunaway ’11 Uses Her Degree To Create Vaginal Trackpads (NSFW)

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

If you’re like me, always struggling to find the perfect Valentines Day gift, then you’re in luck. Search no more, because Eliza Dunaway, class of 2011, has created the perfect present for your significant other, friends, and family. The gift of a lifetime: a Vagina trackpad decal!

Dunaway’s product, the DoubleClit, has taken CTM to the next level. The DoubleClit is a removable sticker decal for your Apple Computer. The decal, which comes in two different styles: “Kiki” and “Vanessa” (although “Hairy” and ”Less Hairy” are more suitable names), bears a very intricate image of the enigmatic female vuvla. The DoubleClit is meticulous, it’s detailed, and it’s shocking. Although, some may find this item unpleasant, it’s actually an empowering novelty that promotes natural vaginal beauty.

According to Dunaway, “Women are taught to be ashamed of their lady parts,” but her DoubleClit intends to debunk the myth that vaginas are offensive and just plain gross—because they’re not. The DoubleClit is a statement of rebellion against mainstream America’s portrayal of female beauty. Dunaway went on to profess her mission in an email to Skidmore Unofficial, claiming, “We are bombarded with images of women with hairless, “perfect,” porn-star bodies and with stories about vagina bleaching, waxing, vajazzling and the rise of labiaplasty surgeries. The DoubleClit seeks to change that message. This product recognizes that the vagina is an important, beautiful body part that is as normal as, well, a computer mouse. Also, it’s hilarious to watch someone use a trackpad when there’s a vulva involved.”

Unfortunately, the rest of the world is not as liberal as your average Skidmore grad and thus, the DoubleClit has been banned from every crowdfunding site imaginable.

So here’s a shameless plug to check out her webpage and buy your loved ones the gift they didn’t know they were dreaming of. My only question: is she hiring models?

 

 

CTM Photo Contest

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

this could be you

If you’re like me, which you’re probably not, you just spent your last $100 dollars on a delicious pony keg, a fiery fifth of scotch and a disposable camera. The investments on the beer and liquor seem to be non-refundable but once I find the camera I’m going to take some amazing pictures so I can win the CTM Photo Contest, which is offering cash money prizes.

This is the 5th year that the contest has been held and it seems the rules have been switched up a little. All photos must contain either the word ‘Skidmore’, a Skidmore logo, or ‘creative thought matters’. Ehh, that seems kind of lame so we’ve decided to provide a free photoshopping service to help you get your favorite images into the contest. All you need to do is send your images to skidmoreunofficial@gmail.com and we’ll be sure to send you a contest acceptable image. Submit your images online and be sure to check out the gallery to vote for your favorites.

More info at <CTM Photo Contest>