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Last Days of Classes/Study Days/Finals Week Distractions

Tuesday, December 9th, 2014

This is it, folks. You’ve been promising your pals that you’d go to their shit all semester, and you’ve been successfully avoided it for the past three months. But it’s time to pay the Pied Piper of Acapella/Comedy/Performance-Club Guilt. And that fucker takes no prisoners. And you definitely don’t have any excuses this time around, because your pal knows you sure as hell weren’t doing work.

It’s also worth noting that attendance at many of these events will likely yield inclusion to an after party or two–which will maximize your opportunity to make moves on that one boy/girl before the semester ends and you go back to your hometown full-to-bursting with the regret that is exclusively tied to missed opportunities. In other words: You’re running out of time, so take a chance, motherfucker.

TUESDAY:
2:00pm – “I Can’t Breathe” Drop-in Session (2:00-7:00) @ ICC
8:00pm – SkidTV 2014 Fall Showcase @ Davis
8:00pm – Ujima Step Show @ Filene

WEDNESDAY:
12:00pm – WIB Pop-Up Shop @ Case
5:30pm – “Hope and Anger: The Civil Rights Movement and Beyond” @ Tang
6:30pm – Awkward Kids Finding Their Voice @ Gannett
7:00pm – The Accents go BROgue (Winter Jam) @ Davis
8:00pm – GUACAPELLA: The Skidmore Dynamics Winter Jam @ Gannett
8:30pm – “The Ad-Libs Save Camp” Improv Big Show @ JKB
9:30pm – Pulse Final Show @ Falstaff’s
10:00pm – The Bandersnatchers Present: Mourning Wood @ Filene

FRIDAY:
8:00pm – “The Houses We Build and Break” @ Falstaff’s

SATURDAY:
3:00pm – “The Houses We Build and Break” @ Falstaff’s
8:00pm – “The Houses We Build and Break” @ Falstaff’s

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

The Sketchies Present: “Fraternity Leave” (11/15)

Friday, November 14th, 2014
Get it?

Get it?

Saturday night in Gannett, The Sketchies will show you what they’ve been up to all semester when they present “Fraternity Leave,” their big show of the semester. Their set at Triple Threat included a sketch about a burger joint that doubles as an abortion clinic, so that might give you a sense of what to expect. Or maybe not. If that doesn’t do it for you, The Sketchies have included an invitation on the event’s Facebook group:

Dear Pledge Scum,

Your presence is requested at Gannett Auditorium on November 15th at 10:30pm. Bring yourself. Bring some friends. But most of all, scrub, bring an open heart.

Peace, love, and hugs,
The Sketchies

Holy shit. This is kind of terrifying. I’m in. Is this what being in a fraternity or sorority is like? Am I guaranteed to test higher on the Rosenburg Self-Esteem Scale? Anyway, there will probably be something dancing. There will likely be white people dressed in all black. There will be likely be something strange and off-putting in all the right ways. But you might love it. So grab your bros and biddies, pre-game to the EDM playlist on Spotify premium (seriously, the student discount is quite a steal), and swing by Gannett for the initiation you went to this type of school to avoid.

Skidomedy Presents: “Definitive Evidence of a Loving God” (11/8)

Saturday, November 8th, 2014
Whoa.

All other poster designers can pack it up for the semester.

The eleventh hour is upon us. Go to Gannett tonight well after the point-of-no-sober-return to catch Skidomedy’s big show of the semester: “Definitive Evidence of a Loving God.”

If you caught the sketch comedy group’s set at Triple Threat, then got a brief taste of what to expect  from the group, who are looking stronger (and probably bigger) than ever. There was mugging. There was a couple singing in a park while a dude was shanked after, you guessed it, getting mugged. There was high school bullying. There was a little girl writing about her sexual frustrations in her diary: “I’M SO GODDAMNED WET IT’S LIKE I SAT IN SOUP ALL DAY!”

It was funny shit. And all new material written by this semester’s line-up, so just imagine what an hour’s worth of this stuff will do to you! It might make you feel better. You know. About that thing that happened last night.

And besides, as we’ve alluded to before, any comedy group that’s essentially been told by the administration “we’re watching you” because they’ve done so much controversial and edgy shit is SURE to make for a good time.

Rey and Lemay LIVE: FOOD & HALLOWEEN

Friday, October 24th, 2014
HERE WE GO AGAIN FOLKS!!!

HERE WE GO AGAIN FOLKS!!!

REY & LEMAY LIVE. TOMORROW NIGHT AT 8:00 IN GANNETT!!!!!!!

I CAN’T BELIEVE THERE ARE FRESHMAN WHO HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS DELIGHTFUL EVENT, IT IS SO FUN AND SILLY AND RACY AND SEXUAL (Citation Needed) AND HILARIOUS (Citation Also Needed), YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT!

THERE IS ALSO LIVE KAZOO PLAYING BY ALISON SCHILLING!!

PLEASE COME, THEY NEED YOUR APPLAUSE TO LIVE, LIKE TINKERBELL!!!

Ben Jurney Publishes “Netflix, A Love Story” on The New Yorker Website

Friday, October 24th, 2014
IMAGE BY BILL RECORDS / NBC / GETTY

IMAGE BY BILL RECORDS/NBC/GETTY

Humorist and comedian Ben Jurney ’14 has had yet another humor piece published in the Shouts & Murmurs section of The New Yorker‘s website.

Jurney’s fourth piece on the site, “Netflix, A Love Story” showcases Jurney’s always impressive ability to take the some of the most mundane and relatable situations and inject them with oftentimes subtle yet rewarding hilarity:

Our first weeks together were full of late-night rendezvous. Each session was intense—we could go for three or four hours without stopping. Our favorite spots were in bed, on the couch, and sometimes in the kitchen. One night, my friend Carly even got in on the action. I had never tried anything like that before.

It’s like a longer version of your friend’s constant stream of Snapchats and Tweets about how Netflix is their boyfriend/girlfriend. But actually funny. Only a day after the story was published, “Netflix, A Love Story” is presently the most popular piece on the site’s Humor section. So be sure to check out the entire piece and keep it there. Congratulations to Jurney.

Drunk, High, & Sober: Triple Threat

Saturday, October 11th, 2014

Hello all.

So Triple Threat was fun, right???  What a lovely collection of funny people. I liked the part where someone paid like $70 to make people kiss.  I’d like to have the money for that one day. Anyway, here are three different reactions from SU writes under various states of influence. I hope you will enjoy the notes I took during the show, sans autocorrect. There was alcohol involved.

(Woah I just realized there’s a pretty great double meaning in that title.)

Drunk

TRIPLE THREAT NOTES
BLOWING KISSES
FANTASTIC BECCA
SO MANY SKIDOMEDT
whi is long haired boy
andrew pretty
lotta choking
i forgot britanny was in this
but im a fan
#dildos
ballsack
there is a dad next to me????
im pretty horny after this one
nick looks like robin
bobby does gr8 greaser accent
keegan good punk believable
SO SILLY
WHAT AN UNCOMFIRTABLE SITUATION
DAD BEXT TO ME IS ENJOYING EVERYTHING SO FAR FINDS EVERYTHING PLEASANT
riistershies
ehat a commitions!
adult tiys douns fun
WET
DAD LIKES CLIT JOKES
I WINDER IF HE FINDS IT RELATAVLE

AD LIB TIME
MY LITTLE ELF PRINCE IS IN TWO GROUPS
HI ADAM
WHO IS TINY GLASSES GIRL??????
SOFT GRUNGE
HAVING SEX WITH SHEA WOULD BE LIKE HAVING SEX WITH A BEAUTIFUL ELF PRINCESS WHO HAS FORGOTTEN THE WAYS OF THE SECULAR FLESH
AWKWARD CLAP
WE WILL ALL DIE ONE DAY BUT DOES THAT TRULY MATTER
OF COURSE NOT
IMPROV CLASSROOM A CLASSIC
GOOD JOB BECCA
OMG IS THIS STILL HAOOENING???
IMPROV TAKES A WHILE
WHATEVER
ROLLIN???? OKAY
im lost what is haooenign
wait magbe too drubk????  oh no

OH NO SKETCHIE TIME
WHAT FRESH HELL AWAITS US
THIS IS ALREADY TORTUROUS
BUTT KISSING DESERVES NO CLAPS
two mugging sketches in one night i am seeing a pattern
we live in a police state how are we not terrified
wait i agve seen this sketch before come on guts
i need booze
daddy needs his fix
oh they eat abortions that is rich
high quality
#humanity
morgan can get it
howl
whi wrote this
i want names
feel free to reply in the comments
#fulldisclosure
??????
wait THIS ISNT IMPROV ITS A SKETCH
WILD
WOAH THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND
HALLIE RUN

AUCTIONTIME WHI WILLEIDAD REMAINS BEMUSED
TOO MUCH MONEY AND SCREAMING
IT IS DIFFICULT TI CARE ABOUT THEDE FOUR PEOPLE
im getting more alcohol
SAVE IT OR SHAVE IT
DAD HAS LEFT GOODBYE DAD
nipple
i thubk somewhere diwn the line i got confused about what comedy is.
kissing meaningless

 

I hope that dad had fun.

Yours,
Hannibal Burgess.


 

High

Up next are the notes from our resident high writer, Charmander (probably lit the blunt with its fire tail, yoooooooooo)

Hi friends here we goooooooo
Near front holla
Ridiculous music on point
COME ON FILENE OHHH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
ONE MINUTE LATE hmmmmm
Tummys a tinglin’ excite to laugh
Hella overcrowded like HOMIES new location next year
Kazoo woman marry me
Zooooooted
This motorboat sketch is a trip
Mouse teeth killin the game rn
I’m so heart warned!
TAKE THE FALL U GO MAN SORRY BB
Sweater game too strong in this group like DAYUM
SKIDOMEDU SET THAT BAT HIGH LETS GO TRUPLE THREAT
VER
SACE
Smart one liners
Stoned and oh so happy
Rolling up oh my god you geniuses all on board here
It’s all good the comedy is good this year congrats guys you made it
So high
SKETCHIES DANCE TURNED NE ON 9000%
Soul crushing comedy at it’s finest
Katsup? Really?
Very amused at  this improv joke
Versace boys gone god bless
So far all of the comedians are attractive it goes here for this group too
Will there be food at auction? Doubt it #lame

AUCTIONSSSSSS
THIS IS SO HEATED I LOVE IT HUMAN AUCTUONING AT ITS FINEST
I’m glad everyone is drunk good job friends
We aren’t ok to auction though oopssssssssss
Sad about not having beardy be nice to me for a week ugh
Shaving was scary but oh my this is a treat
People at this school need to learn how to math


 

Sober

Finally, here are the sober notes from writer Dr. Spaceman.  They are rather coherent!  Let’s read them together, shall we?

GENERAL:

  • So many humans. So many loud, sweaty humans.
  • There were a bunch of drunk freshman biddies in front of me going into GREAT detail about what they would do to each and every comedy boy. Watch out, Sketchie boys, the freshman coming for you. And they like your butts. Oh yes, they like your butts.
  • I don’t know 99% of this school anymore. There seemed to be a plethora of sad, white girls in black cardigans. Glad to see nothing has changed.

SKIDOMEDY:

  • For some odd reason, VERY focused on the theme of muggers/stabbing…..you tryna tell us something? I mean, it was still funny….but when that’s your go-to gag, time to start thinking of some new, not-as-violent-or-way-more-violent stuff.
  • My favorite sketch was those two girls diary writing. I was straight up sobbing with laughter. Who knew female sexual frustration could be so damn hilarious? Oh wait, probably because every female at Skidmore could relate to it.

AD-LIBS:

  • After a traumatizing 5th grade improv class, I personally am inclined to hate improv comedy. Nothing personal, Ad-Libs.
  • They tagged each other out REALLY quickly. Is that like a fancy improv technique, or did they all just really want more attention?
  • The dog-rapping thing could have SO uncomfortably not funny, but both the performers were so bizzarely funny that I had to enjoy it.
  • Full disclosure: I was in the bathroom for most of this, pooping and thinking about how life is cyclical. So uh, they had good energy, I guess?

SKETCHIES:

  • Any utilizing of our generation’s songbird Jason DeRulo will win my heart. I imagine they just went to Fallstaff’s and observed the masses to get inspiration for the dance routine.
  • That abortion/hamburger joint sketch probably pissed off a TON of people and will probably put the Sketchies on the shit list of the angry gender studies majors for life, but I loved it.
  • The “Howl” sketch was the weirdest shit ever. However, all my friends who were very high thought it was HILARIOUS. Maybe they wrote it, automatically assuming 50% of the audience would be high. In which case, I commend you, you beautiful monsters.

AUCTION:

  • Really uncomfortable. Always really uncomfortable. This was definitely the part where I most strongly wished I wasn’t sober.
  • People here are either insanely wealthy or insanely stupid. Probably both.
  • Ugh, being sober at these things is the worst. Never again. #College

 


 

So, that’s that! Just goes to show that substances are the only REAL way to have fun. I kid, I kid. Mostly?

GREAT JOB, COMEDY!

Triple Threat Comedy Show & Live Auction

Thursday, October 9th, 2014
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I need sunglasses to look at this for an extended period of time.

(Editor’s Note: Due to some recent complaints we received about our most recent coverage  of the Skidmore comedy groups, we’ve decided to let our official comedy consultant “A skidmore person” offer a more spirited write-up of the event. So if any of this has the potential to bother you, please just scroll down to the bottom and see what a real comedy expert has to say on the matter.)

Before you know it, it’ll be February, and with the coldest and most depressing month of the year (s/o to Valentine’s Day) comes one of the most beloved events here at Skidmore: ComFest. This Friday, you’ll be able to get a sampling of what to expect with Triple Threat, annual showcase of all three three of the four Skidmore comedy groups and ComFest fundraiser. The evening usually goes like this. The Ad-Libs, Skidomedy, and The Sketchies each come out and perform 10-15 minute long sets (during which you may writhe with bitterness at them taking “those schmucks” instead of you). After that, they’ll bring all the comedians out on stage and will hold an auction in which you can bid for the comedians to do “weird things.” (No, not that kind of “weird things.”)

It’s pretty hilarious. They’ve auctioned off some pretty sweet stuff in the past, including (but certainly not limited to):

  • shaving a comedian’s facial hair on stage
  • being tucked in to bed by one of the comedy groups
  • the chance to appear in a group’s sketch/set
  • a dhall date with the comedian of your choosing (they used to do a legitimate town, but apparently some dude was hella creepy about it and ruined it for everyone)
  • a long-winded compliment from one of the comedians
  • a $5 bill
  • having any two comedians make out on stage (this usually ends up being two dudes, because guys kissing is still pretty funny, I guess?)

I’m sure the list this year will include some of the above, but they generally do a pretty solid job of switching things up. And before you roll your eyes and sit down to write a SkidNews Op-Ed thinkpiece about how Skidmore students throw so much money at meaningless shit and demonstrate the economic privilege encapsulated by small liberal arts colleges, you should probably know that all of the proceeds go toward producing the National College Comedy Festival, which annual brings college and professional comedy groups from across the country–and has received shout outs from the New York Fucking Times. So it’s a good cause.

Of course, the auction is only the icing on the comedic cake, as the evening’s main highlight will be the short and sweet sets from the comedy groups. First, we have The Ad-Libs, who never fail to impress with their quick humor and endless flow of one-liners. You definitely remember seeing them at Freshman Showcase back when you were a bushy-tailed freshman and thought, “I wish I could do that. Maybe people would like me then.” Or maybe that was just me. Either way, odds are the Ad-Libs will milk every one of their 15 minutes and produce some improv gold. Check out their set from ComFest last year and get excited about what they have in store.

Next up is Skidomedy, always displaying a wide variety of comedic styles filled with smart (yes, smart) humor and well placed pop-culture references. They also consistently manage to inadvertently (or advertently?) rattle the cage with a healthy dose of controversy. That “Crustacean” sketch from ComFest is still legendary. And last year they faked someone’s death for like 30 seconds. Both were hilarious and resulted in a some people complaining to SGA or something. So you know they’re doing something right. They’re also roughly the size of the Treblemakers, so odds are you probably know someone in the group and should go to support them. Here’s their set from last year’s ComFest.

Lastly, we have The Sketchies. You’ve probably been very unsettled by their patented brand of rude and off-beat humor. You’ve probably found yourself thinking “Yo that’s pretty fucked-up” after one of their sketches. But that never stops the group from consistently producing hilariously enjoyable sketches exhibiting strong writing, bizarre premises, and humor as dark as their all-black attire. Check out their ComFest set for a small sampling.

Regardless of which comedy group best fits your bag, the evening’s sure to deliver, and we’ll have three correspondents covering it for our first installment of “Drunk, High, and Sober” (pretty self-explanatory, but more on that later). So show up at 10pm in Filene, bring cash (no credit card or Skidcard accepted), and start the weekend off right.

Hi Skiddies. User “A skidmore person” here. I love the comedy groups. No. You don’t understand. I FUCKING LOVE SKIDMORE COMEDY GROUPS. I get aroused just thinking about them. And the acapella groups. And just Skidmore in general. I consider myself to be something of a Skidmore comedy aficionado, so take it from me: you should really go to Triple Threat tomorrow night at 10:00pm in Filene. They’ll be doing funny things. I’ll be there in the front row, so come say hi. You’ll know me when you see me because I’ll be rubbing one out during the sets.

New Ben Jurney Piece Published on ‘The New Yorker’ Website

Thursday, September 11th, 2014
You ever really stop and look at how fucking weird this logo is?

You ever really stop and look at how fucking weird this logo is?

Comedian and humorist Ben Jurney ’14 (and contributor to Skidmore Unofficial) has recently had a new piece entitled “Sorry, I Was Hacked!” published in the the Shouts & Murmurs section of The New Yorker.

While at Skidmore, Jurney was a member of both the Ad-Libs and Skidomedy and was a regular contributor of stand-up nights, produced last year’s ComFest, and has had ample publishing success from websites like The New Yorker, College Humor, and McSweeney’s. In fact, one of Jurney’s pieces was published in-print as part of The Best of McSweeney’s Internet Tendencya retrospective on the best material posted in the website’s 15-year existence. Congratulations to Jurney for his most recent publication–along with his past publication successes.

You can find Jurney’s past published material on his website, so be sure to give them a read and support a recent Skidmore alum and the publication of good writing.

Unofficial Guide to A Capella & Comedy Auditions (Fall 2014 Edition)

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Tomorrow begins that most wonderful time of the semester when self-identified artsy kids are pitted against each other in the Coliseum of Talent that we know as auditions. Our performance club/student ratio is like 12:1, so it’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed about what auditions are happening when/where. And since our student announcement system is still ass, we figured we’d compile the info for a capella and comedy auditions. Obviously there are other groups who have auditions in the upcoming week(s), but I didn’t get any Facebook invites to those, so it’s their fucking loss.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

A Capella Groups: (They’re literally all tomorrow in the same two-hour time slot, and some of them conflict, but I guess you figure it out? Sounds like some Pitch Perfect level shit to me.)

The Accents (all female; quirky; definitely cooler than you): 9/8 @ 7pm. Somewhere on the first floor of Bolton. Bring a verse and chorus of two songs. None of that stupid musical theater Wicked shit.

The Bandersnatchers (all male; 95% sure they’re sponsored by Vineyard Vines; “sounds good to me”; 9/8 @ 7pm. Wilson Chapel. Bring a verse and chorus of a song. But not this one.

The Drastic Measures (co-ed; they win at festivals occasionally; proceeds benefit local charities, which is 85% cool and 15% annoying): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 102. Bring a verse and chorus of a song you like.

The Dynamics (Dynos) (co-ed; oldest co-ed acapella group…out of two; have grind lines at their jams, so there’s that): 9/8 @ 8pm. Bolton 101. Bring a verse and chorus.

The Sonneteers (all female; the oldest club on campus or something; they wear pretty dresses and no shoes because, well, art; they still kind of intimidate me, but pretty and talented girls tend to do that to me): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 100. No info on the FB event, but I’m guessing you should bring a verse and chorus of a song you like. Or maybe they’ll make you yodel. I don’t know. You probably have eyes. Read one of the posters.

Comedy Groups:

Skidomedy (sketch/videos; smart comedy; pretty sure they only have one audition per year; seem like the popular/pretty older sister of the comedy groups): Monday, 9/8 & Tuesday, 9/9 @10:30 pm. Falstaff’s. Go to either or both. I auditioned once and didn’t get in and I’m fucking hilarious. So good luck.

The Sketchies (sketch/videos; wear all black; pretty dark humor, probably because they still have some dark shit from high school still festering in them): Thursday, 9/11 @ 10pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Bring lots of incest jokes or something.

The Ad-Libs (improv; officially called “The Ad-Liberal Artists” but they only ever go by “Ad-Libs,” probably because the former is a dumb name; play a lot improv games): Friday, 9/12 @ 3:30pm. Upstairs of the JKB Theater. Just show up and do improv, I guess? They also have their “newbie show” this Saturday, 9/13 @ 10pm in the Wiecking basement. They’re usually shitfaced at this.

Awkward Kids Talking (AKT) (improv; does short and long form games like creating entire movies live and from scratch; also holds open improv rehearsals on Sundays, which is pretty dope): Friday, 9/19 @ 3:30pm & 6pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Show up and be funny.

Best of luck if you’ve conjured the courage to audition for any clubs this week. If you want the advice of someone who’s never gotten into one of these things, just go to all of them and see what happens. If you’re here, odds are you were probably hot shit in high school–and a part of you might think you’ll be hot shit here at Skidmore. And you might be right. But there will be approximately a fuck-ton of people auditioning for these groups, so shit can get selective. So it’s better to audition for too many and have to choose than to put all your money on getting into that one group you may or may not actually gel with.

And if you don’t get in to any of the groups this semester, you can always audition next semester. Plus you can still go to the shows and get invited to their after-parties! And unlike the hockey team’s parties, they’re not a fucking creepfest.

Club Showcase Tonight in Zankel

Saturday, September 6th, 2014

You know the deal. Kind of. The annual Club Showcase is tonight at 5pm and 8pm. This event is the newest manifestation of Freshman Showcase, which was when has previously been when every freshman crowded into the JKB, all the performance clubs would do something impressive for a couple minutes, the Banderstatchers would perform that one song, and, most notably, members of SGA would moonlight as emcees and make some cripplingly painful puns about whatever club was about to perform.

This year is a little different, however, as they’re not only moving the event to the more performance friendly Ladd Concert Hall in Zankel, but the event is now officially open to all students. But odds are pretty high that the Banders will still be performing that one song.

Club showcase will look nothing like this.

Club showcase will look nothing like this.

There are two shows, one at 5pm and one at 8pm. Freshmen will get priority tickets from their Peer Mentors, but at some point the rest of the community will be able to get in and watch the show. Most of the clubs are desperate for people to audition, so you know the clubs will only show their best shit, so if you’re going to get your fill of acapella or comedy or whatever else qualifies as “performance” these days, this is your best bet. At the very least, you’ll have some legitimate grounds to shit on these clubs once you start getting blasted with invites to their Facebook events.