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Comfest 2017: Drunk, High, Sober Review

Sunday, March 5th, 2017

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Hey daddies! Everyone remember Comfest from a few weeks ago? We do because we had a BLAST at that shindig. Funny is the new sexy, at least that’s what I tell myself. Anyway, The National College Comedy Festival is the biggest and awesomest college comedy festival in existence featuring student groups from around the country as well as really cool professional acts.

We sent three of our debauched writers to the first student show of Comfest under different states of inebriation to see what they thought. Please enjoy our drunk, high and sober review of Comfest. Comedians if you read this, sorry we did this to you. We respect your craft.

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First up on the roster, our resident alcoholic. Apparently there is no food or drink allowed in the theater but you’ll be glad to know our writer got fully away with it. Good luck with that in the future.

DRUNK

Time for comedy
Broccoli…why
I need to be more drunk for this
Is Jared Klein watching me
Don’t see the beard and weird cap so think I’m all good
Are bean boots part of their team uniform
Why is there so much fruit

I’m just so confused
I think I missed the premise of this so I’m confused
Why is this young man is yelling 80s songs at me
Tom and Jerry gay couple? I COULD BE INTO THAT
Man dropping the table during intermission
Highlight of my night
Now table I can get into
Did he just say vulva? You have my attention

I HAVE A CLASS WITH THAT KID IN THE BLACK SHIRT
They are all wearing black I am drunk
The wheelchair no absolutely not wow yes
That boy is so bendy
I wish the music was louder so I can truly jam
Omg property brothers that’s my shiiiiiiiit
Donald Glover DID win the Emmy
I don’t believe!! They’re brainwashing me!
This director sketch. Yep they’re definitely brainwashing me
I knew they would brainwash me at some point

These kids are legit!!! They’re wearing diapers!!!
CHEESE??! Officially the best group

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
I thought this was supposed to be about Los Angeles
Wow v acrobatic

So confused by their voices
Is that ok?
BENDY BOY IS BACK
Yeah no forreal this tall beautiful girl has a weird voice
Boy byyyeeee

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Is this fun yet? I’m having fun, although I don’t feel like I know what happened at Comfest yet. Let’s try again with our high flyer.

 HIGH

Hi everyone and also hi me I will read this later
And also high me lol
Ready for some laughs
This is very crowded I feel crowded
Improvvv they make it up as they go along and THAT is fly
Tall blonde is so tall how tall are you boy
BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS
Stompy boots
I have to pee already
Siiinnngggiiinng. I thought this was comedy I did NOT expect singing
80s MUSIC IS THE BEST MUSIC
This is funny funny funny I am laughing now
SKETCHIEEEZZZZ SKIDMORE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS GO TEAM
Work those butts skinny boys
Bruno Mars used for a good cause
Twins are not saying the same things that is the joke I get it now someone explained it to me
GOD! HELLO GOD ITS ME IM HERE TOO
People are yelling I am scared
Dicks why too many dicks on the dance flooorrr
This skit is crazy what is happening am I losing it
DIAPERS
LITTLE BABY COMEDIANS AND COMEDIENNES
CHEEEEEEEESSSSSEEEEEE
Omg cheese
Hot legs everywhere
Why aren’t my legs this hot
Tall bill was my father’s name
Girl is wearing a formal jacket with just a diaper aka life goals
MORE CHEESE ARE YOU KIDDING
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence
Boys in green sweaters are better than boys not in green sweaters
YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT ON TV
THIS BOY ROCKS MY SOCKS IM NOT WEARING SOCKS
I forgot this was improv for a minute
Bad sketch. Good improv
I want to make stuff up
ORAL SEX JOKES LOL
The world needs more oral sex. Sex for everyone
Ok more Skidmore I’m ready
I want this girl’s hair
Not on my head just to have and to hold
SANTAA CHRISTMAS
Poetry is so weird
This is going on too long or I’m high
I think saw this same boy earlier. Where are you from funny boy
I want the cheese back
MORE CHEESE PLEASE
Ok it’s over im going to go get some cheese

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In case you were wondering, she did not get any cheese. And also Sargento was recalled the next day so whoever did get cheese, please let us know if you r ok. Finally, our sober reviewer, sorry that we made you do this.

 SOBER

BEGINNING THOUGHTS:
It’s actually very cool that our school does this
I thought everyone here was too clinically depressed and/or high to be funny
I seem to be sitting near the comedy kids section. Everyone is doing a bit.
Too many bits

THE WHISTLING SHRIMP:
Improv is the cause of my crippling anxiety
This boy in the green shirt looks like the PC from those Apple commercials
These people are all very loud but funny
The girls are the funniest. The feminist in me is pleased but still angry about the patriarchy

CHOCOLATE CAKE CITY:
Where is Emerson
I need to know what that boy puts in his hair
They’re all wearing plaid. I’m guessing this means Emerson is somewhere in the North East
Love Shack is a GREAT song and I will never admit otherwise
I would invest in this singing boy. He’s going places.

THE SKETCHIES:
People are very excited. This is the most school spirit I have ever seen
Way to go Skidmore, you apathetic nerds
No divorce, abortion, or suicide jokes yet. But this is only the first sketch
Dancing boy in the apron is the most excited person I have ever seen
Chanting really will excite any audience. Smart Sketchies
Haha. Dicks.
It’s funny because it’s true! Avant garde theater DOES suck!

LUNCHBOX:
Are they wearing diapers for no reason or did I miss something
None of these kids skip leg day. Surprising for comedy nerds. Well done
I’m naming my next pet Tall Bill. Very catchy
I think I have seen this sketch on SNL
Note to self: people love free cheese

FERAL CHRISTINE:
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
This guy is really about bowling. Live your truth, man
Haha. Boys having sex!
I’m really sorry, I had to go to the bathroom at this point.
I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say this was HILARIOUS

AWKWARD KIDS TALKING:
More Skidmore! Are we a bit narcissistic? The audience is thrilled anyway
Some of these kids are very awkward but some are not. I feel misled
This boy coming up with rhymes on the spot is very impressive. I am not good at poetry
I want to know where this girl got her mom jeans. Mom jeans are still in, right?
Tall girl really likes to be on the floor

END THOUGHTS:
Generally glad I went to this
Generally un-glad that I had to be the sober one
Generally attracted to the 3 MCs/Producers. Anyone got their phone numbers? Lmk

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Thanks guys! What a journey we all went on together. I learned that at Comfest, there’s a lot of skinny boys and dancing and sometimes there’s free cheese. I will definitely be going back next year. A+ comedy nerds.

 

Weekend Distractions CXXXVI

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

FRIDAY:
7:00pm – Cabaret Troupe Presents Urinetown @ Filene
7:00pm – Easter Gala @ Wilson
8:00pm – RAICES Arts Festival @ Spa
8:00pm – Senior Dance Capstone @ Dance Theater
10:00pm – Awkward. (AKT Final Show) @ Gannett
10:00pm – “Missy Elliott” ft. Sonneteers & Banders @ Wilson

SATURDAY:
2:00pm – Senior Dance Capstone @ Dance Theater
7:00pm – Cabaret Troupe Presents Urinetown @ Filene
8:00pm – Senior Dance Capstone @ Dance Theater
8:00pm – International Cultural Show: Pangea @ Spa

SUNDAY:
12:00am – Resurrection of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Weekend Distractions CXXXV

Thursday, March 26th, 2015

THURSDAY:
8:00pm – Seniors Go Solo ft. BEER @ Falstaff’s
8:00pm – Carr Residency Lecture: Documentarian Jocelyn Arem ’04 @ Filene

FRIDAY:
3:00pm Jacob Perlow Event Series: Life in a Jar @ Filene
7:00pm – Life Under ISIS: Discussion w/ Abude Alasaad @ Davis
8:00pm – Skidmore Concert Band @ Filene
8:00pm – Breakbeats Final Show @ Filene

SATURDAY:
2:00pm – The Feminist Monologues @ Wilson
6:30pm – Hotel Anello (ft. Jonathan Lee-Rey) @ Falstaff’s
3:00pm – Jacob Perlow Event Series: Life in a Jar @ Filene
8:00pm – Senior Recital: Jarred Green and Max Weigel @ Zankel
8:00pm – The Feminist Monologues @ Wilson
8:30pm – Los Elk & McLovins @ Putnam Den
9:00pm – Teen Girl Scientist Monthly & Iguana Mañana @ The SPA
9:00pm – AKT & Ad-Libs Improv Comedy Mega Show @ Davis
10:30pm – TuftsMORE: Dynamics & Tufts sQ Jam @ Wilson

SUNDAY:
1:00pm – Senior Recital: Emily Burnham, Voice & Piano @ Zankel
2:00pm – The Feminist Monologues @ Wilson
7:00pm – Senior Recital: Ian Bakerman, Jazz @ Falstaff’s
8:00pm – Hotel Anello (ft. Jonathan Lee-Rey) @ Falstaff’s

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Weekend Distractions CXXXII

Friday, February 20th, 2015

FRIDAY:
5:15pm – Lecture: “The Question of the Future” by Barbara Black @ Davis
6:00pm – Bellydance Workshop @ Falstaff’s
7:00pm – Banff Film Fest @ Zankel

SATURDAY:
3:00pm – Dance Workshop with Crazy Legs @ The Tang (Payne Room)
6:30pm – Hip Hop Dance Competition @ The Tang (Payne Room)
7:00pm – Student Gala Concerto Concert @ Zankel
7:30pm – Sushi Dinner & Film Screening: Jiro Dreams of Sushi @ Gannett
8:00pm – Free Show: Juliet Kleber and Colonel Seamus @ 130 Woodlawn Ave
9:00pm – AKT Presents: Improvised Movie Database @ Filene
9:00pm – Winter Warm Up @ Spa

SUNDAY:
2:00pm – Women’s Basketball vs. Clarkson
3:00pm – John Chowning Performance @ Zankel
4:00pm – Men’s Basketball vs. Clarkson
7:45pm – Oscar’s Viewing Party @ Gannett

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Last Days of Classes/Study Days/Finals Week Distractions

Tuesday, December 9th, 2014

This is it, folks. You’ve been promising your pals that you’d go to their shit all semester, and you’ve been successfully avoided it for the past three months. But it’s time to pay the Pied Piper of Acapella/Comedy/Performance-Club Guilt. And that fucker takes no prisoners. And you definitely don’t have any excuses this time around, because your pal knows you sure as hell weren’t doing work.

It’s also worth noting that attendance at many of these events will likely yield inclusion to an after party or two–which will maximize your opportunity to make moves on that one boy/girl before the semester ends and you go back to your hometown full-to-bursting with the regret that is exclusively tied to missed opportunities. In other words: You’re running out of time, so take a chance, motherfucker.

TUESDAY:
2:00pm – “I Can’t Breathe” Drop-in Session (2:00-7:00) @ ICC
8:00pm – SkidTV 2014 Fall Showcase @ Davis
8:00pm – Ujima Step Show @ Filene

WEDNESDAY:
12:00pm – WIB Pop-Up Shop @ Case
5:30pm – “Hope and Anger: The Civil Rights Movement and Beyond” @ Tang
6:30pm – Awkward Kids Finding Their Voice @ Gannett
7:00pm – The Accents go BROgue (Winter Jam) @ Davis
8:00pm – GUACAPELLA: The Skidmore Dynamics Winter Jam @ Gannett
8:30pm – “The Ad-Libs Save Camp” Improv Big Show @ JKB
9:30pm – Pulse Final Show @ Falstaff’s
10:00pm – The Bandersnatchers Present: Mourning Wood @ Filene

FRIDAY:
8:00pm – “The Houses We Build and Break” @ Falstaff’s

SATURDAY:
3:00pm – “The Houses We Build and Break” @ Falstaff’s
8:00pm – “The Houses We Build and Break” @ Falstaff’s

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Halloweekend Distractions CXXVI

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

THURSDAY:
8:00pm – WSPN Presents: The Son and Heirs & Batman Nosebleed @ Falstaff’s

FRIDAY: HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN
7:30pm – Volleyball vs. Potsdam
8:30pm – Awkward Kids Talking & Breakbeats: Breaking Awkward @ Filene
9:00pm – The Accents and Pulse participate in Halloween @ Gannett
10:00pm – Freaky Friday: Sonneteers & Bandersnatchers Minijam @ Wilson

SATURDAY:
9:00am – Battle of Saratoga Quidditch Tournamet @ WACH Turf Field
10:00am – Volleyball vs. Fredonia
10:00am – Yoga Retreat @ Wilson
12:00pm – Fall Tailgate @ Wachenheim Field
12:00pm – Women’s Soccer vs. Nazareth
3:00pm – Men’s Soccer vs. Union
9:30pm – Social Justice Month Showcase @ The Spa

SUNDAY:
12:00pm – FOC Presents: Sunday Coffee House @ Falstaff’s
5:00pm – Harvest Dinner @ The Spa

Missing something? Let us know in the comments!

Weekend Distractions CXXII

Thursday, September 18th, 2014

THURSDAY
8:00PM – ROCK THE VOTE: A Student Band Showcase @ Falstaff’s

FRIDAY:
3:30PM – AKT (Awkward Kids Talking) Auditions @ Upstairs of JKB
3:30PM – State of the College Address @ Zankel
6:00PM – AKT Auditions @ Upstairs of JKB

SATURDAY
9:00AM – Women’s Tennis vs.Union
1:00PM – Women’s Soccer vs. Plattsburgh
4:00PM – Men’s Soccer vs. Plattsburgh
8:00PM – Los Elk and The Rooks @ Falstaff’s

Missing something? Let us know in the comments!

Unofficial Guide to A Capella & Comedy Auditions (Fall 2014 Edition)

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Tomorrow begins that most wonderful time of the semester when self-identified artsy kids are pitted against each other in the Coliseum of Talent that we know as auditions. Our performance club/student ratio is like 12:1, so it’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed about what auditions are happening when/where. And since our student announcement system is still ass, we figured we’d compile the info for a capella and comedy auditions. Obviously there are other groups who have auditions in the upcoming week(s), but I didn’t get any Facebook invites to those, so it’s their fucking loss.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

A Capella Groups: (They’re literally all tomorrow in the same two-hour time slot, and some of them conflict, but I guess you figure it out? Sounds like some Pitch Perfect level shit to me.)

The Accents (all female; quirky; definitely cooler than you): 9/8 @ 7pm. Somewhere on the first floor of Bolton. Bring a verse and chorus of two songs. None of that stupid musical theater Wicked shit.

The Bandersnatchers (all male; 95% sure they’re sponsored by Vineyard Vines; “sounds good to me”; 9/8 @ 7pm. Wilson Chapel. Bring a verse and chorus of a song. But not this one.

The Drastic Measures (co-ed; they win at festivals occasionally; proceeds benefit local charities, which is 85% cool and 15% annoying): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 102. Bring a verse and chorus of a song you like.

The Dynamics (Dynos) (co-ed; oldest co-ed acapella group…out of two; have grind lines at their jams, so there’s that): 9/8 @ 8pm. Bolton 101. Bring a verse and chorus.

The Sonneteers (all female; the oldest club on campus or something; they wear pretty dresses and no shoes because, well, art; they still kind of intimidate me, but pretty and talented girls tend to do that to me): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 100. No info on the FB event, but I’m guessing you should bring a verse and chorus of a song you like. Or maybe they’ll make you yodel. I don’t know. You probably have eyes. Read one of the posters.

Comedy Groups:

Skidomedy (sketch/videos; smart comedy; pretty sure they only have one audition per year; seem like the popular/pretty older sister of the comedy groups): Monday, 9/8 & Tuesday, 9/9 @10:30 pm. Falstaff’s. Go to either or both. I auditioned once and didn’t get in and I’m fucking hilarious. So good luck.

The Sketchies (sketch/videos; wear all black; pretty dark humor, probably because they still have some dark shit from high school still festering in them): Thursday, 9/11 @ 10pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Bring lots of incest jokes or something.

The Ad-Libs (improv; officially called “The Ad-Liberal Artists” but they only ever go by “Ad-Libs,” probably because the former is a dumb name; play a lot improv games): Friday, 9/12 @ 3:30pm. Upstairs of the JKB Theater. Just show up and do improv, I guess? They also have their “newbie show” this Saturday, 9/13 @ 10pm in the Wiecking basement. They’re usually shitfaced at this.

Awkward Kids Talking (AKT) (improv; does short and long form games like creating entire movies live and from scratch; also holds open improv rehearsals on Sundays, which is pretty dope): Friday, 9/19 @ 3:30pm & 6pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Show up and be funny.

Best of luck if you’ve conjured the courage to audition for any clubs this week. If you want the advice of someone who’s never gotten into one of these things, just go to all of them and see what happens. If you’re here, odds are you were probably hot shit in high school–and a part of you might think you’ll be hot shit here at Skidmore. And you might be right. But there will be approximately a fuck-ton of people auditioning for these groups, so shit can get selective. So it’s better to audition for too many and have to choose than to put all your money on getting into that one group you may or may not actually gel with.

And if you don’t get in to any of the groups this semester, you can always audition next semester. Plus you can still go to the shows and get invited to their after-parties! And unlike the hockey team’s parties, they’re not a fucking creepfest.

Weekend Distractions CXIX

Thursday, April 17th, 2014

THURSDAY
7:00pm- LINE Art Review Magazine Release Party @ Tang Teaching Museum
8:00pm- Fundraiser for Saratoga County Outreach @ Putnam Den
9:30pm- Triceracops and EVOLFO DOOFEHT @ Falstaffs

FRIDAY
2:00pm- Women’s Softball vs. St. Lawrence University @ Softball Field
4:00pm- Women’s Softball vs. St. Lawrence University @ Softball Field
7:00pm- Accents Spring Jam @ Gannett
8:00pm- Strange and Familiar Places: Spring Dance Concert 2014 @ Dance Theater
8:00pm- Rubblebucket @ Zankel
10:00pm- #Trebsprblmz: Treblemakers Spring Jam @ Filene Hall
10:30pm- ULTIMATE Friday Night Stand-Up @ SPA

SATURDAY
11:00am- Tommy Corcoran’s Senior Voice Recital @ Zankel
12:00pm- Men’s Baseball vs. Union College @ Baseball Field (Double Header!)
1:00pm- Women’s Lacrosse vs. RPI @ Wachenheim Field
1:00pm- Men’s Tennis vs. Williams College @ Tennis Courts
2:00pm- Men’s Baseball vs. Union College @ Baseball Field (Double Header!)
2:00pm- Strange and Familiar Places: Spring Dance Concert 2014 @ Dance Theater
2:00pm- Matt Gaydar’s Senior Composition Recital @ Zankel
5:00pm- Laura Pendleton’s Senior Voice Recital @ Zankel
8:00pm- ELEMENT Fashion Show @ Tang Teaching Museum
8:00pm- Strange and Familiar Places: Spring Dance Concert 2014 @ Dance Theater
8:00pm- 100 YEARS OF DRASTICS (10th Year Anniversary Jam) @ Filene Hall
8:00pm- Katherine Murphy’s Senior Flute Recital @ Zankel
9:30pm- [AKTV] @ Gannett
10:00pm- Pulse Final Show @ Davis
10:00pm- Sonnets Spring Jam @ Filene Hall

SUNDAY
All Day- Easter (Go egg hunting)

 

Missing something? Let us know in the comments

Weekend Distractions CIX

Thursday, October 31st, 2013

THURSDAY
8:00pm –  Sylvia Courvoisier and Mark Feldman Duo @ Arthur Zankel Music Center

FRIDAY
4:00pm – Men’s and Women’s Swimming & Diving vs. St.Lawrence University
8:00pm – Women’s Volleyball vs. Kean University
8:00pm – Jeffrey Rosen Lecture @ Gannet Auditorium
9:00pm – WSPN Halloween Show @ Falstaff’s (fbook)
10:00pm – Drastic Measures & Dynamics Mini-Jam @ Wilson Chapel (fbook)
10:00pm – The Return of Friday Night Standup @ SPA (fbook)

SATURDAY
11:00am – Women’s Volleyball vs. Fredonia State University
1:00pm – Men’s and Women’s Swimming & Diving vs. SUNY Potsdam
2:00pm – Women’s Field Hockey vs. Stevens Institute of Technology
3:00pm – Women’s Volleyball vs. New Paltz
8:00pm – Marina Piccinini & Guests @ Arthur Zankel Music Center
8:00pm – SEC Presents Cosmonaut with Pooch @ Falstaff’s (fbook)
9:00pm – AKT Presents Improvised Movie Database @ Filene Auditorium (fbook)
9:00pm – Accents and PULSE! Halloween Mini-Jam @ Wilson Chapel (fbook)
9:30pm – Social Justice Week Kick-Off Event @ The SPA (fbook)
10:00pm – Skidmore Pride Alliance Presents Spectrum @ Small Gym (fbook)

SUNDAY
2:30pm – Skidmore Flute Festival Student Ensembles @ Arthur Zankel Music Center
7:00pm – Harvest Dinner @ SPA (fbook)
8:00pm – Diwali Celebration @ Falstaff’s (fbook)

Missing something? Let us know in the comments.