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Drunk, High, & Sober: Triple Threat

Saturday, October 11th, 2014

Hello all.

So Triple Threat was fun, right???  What a lovely collection of funny people. I liked the part where someone paid like $70 to make people kiss.  I’d like to have the money for that one day. Anyway, here are three different reactions from SU writes under various states of influence. I hope you will enjoy the notes I took during the show, sans autocorrect. There was alcohol involved.

(Woah I just realized there’s a pretty great double meaning in that title.)

Drunk

TRIPLE THREAT NOTES
BLOWING KISSES
FANTASTIC BECCA
SO MANY SKIDOMEDT
whi is long haired boy
andrew pretty
lotta choking
i forgot britanny was in this
but im a fan
#dildos
ballsack
there is a dad next to me????
im pretty horny after this one
nick looks like robin
bobby does gr8 greaser accent
keegan good punk believable
SO SILLY
WHAT AN UNCOMFIRTABLE SITUATION
DAD BEXT TO ME IS ENJOYING EVERYTHING SO FAR FINDS EVERYTHING PLEASANT
riistershies
ehat a commitions!
adult tiys douns fun
WET
DAD LIKES CLIT JOKES
I WINDER IF HE FINDS IT RELATAVLE

AD LIB TIME
MY LITTLE ELF PRINCE IS IN TWO GROUPS
HI ADAM
WHO IS TINY GLASSES GIRL??????
SOFT GRUNGE
HAVING SEX WITH SHEA WOULD BE LIKE HAVING SEX WITH A BEAUTIFUL ELF PRINCESS WHO HAS FORGOTTEN THE WAYS OF THE SECULAR FLESH
AWKWARD CLAP
WE WILL ALL DIE ONE DAY BUT DOES THAT TRULY MATTER
OF COURSE NOT
IMPROV CLASSROOM A CLASSIC
GOOD JOB BECCA
OMG IS THIS STILL HAOOENING???
IMPROV TAKES A WHILE
WHATEVER
ROLLIN???? OKAY
im lost what is haooenign
wait magbe too drubk????  oh no

OH NO SKETCHIE TIME
WHAT FRESH HELL AWAITS US
THIS IS ALREADY TORTUROUS
BUTT KISSING DESERVES NO CLAPS
two mugging sketches in one night i am seeing a pattern
we live in a police state how are we not terrified
wait i agve seen this sketch before come on guts
i need booze
daddy needs his fix
oh they eat abortions that is rich
high quality
#humanity
morgan can get it
howl
whi wrote this
i want names
feel free to reply in the comments
#fulldisclosure
??????
wait THIS ISNT IMPROV ITS A SKETCH
WILD
WOAH THIS IS BLOWING MY MIND
HALLIE RUN

AUCTIONTIME WHI WILLEIDAD REMAINS BEMUSED
TOO MUCH MONEY AND SCREAMING
IT IS DIFFICULT TI CARE ABOUT THEDE FOUR PEOPLE
im getting more alcohol
SAVE IT OR SHAVE IT
DAD HAS LEFT GOODBYE DAD
nipple
i thubk somewhere diwn the line i got confused about what comedy is.
kissing meaningless

 

I hope that dad had fun.

Yours,
Hannibal Burgess.


 

High

Up next are the notes from our resident high writer, Charmander (probably lit the blunt with its fire tail, yoooooooooo)

Hi friends here we goooooooo
Near front holla
Ridiculous music on point
COME ON FILENE OHHH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
ONE MINUTE LATE hmmmmm
Tummys a tinglin’ excite to laugh
Hella overcrowded like HOMIES new location next year
Kazoo woman marry me
Zooooooted
This motorboat sketch is a trip
Mouse teeth killin the game rn
I’m so heart warned!
TAKE THE FALL U GO MAN SORRY BB
Sweater game too strong in this group like DAYUM
SKIDOMEDU SET THAT BAT HIGH LETS GO TRUPLE THREAT
VER
SACE
Smart one liners
Stoned and oh so happy
Rolling up oh my god you geniuses all on board here
It’s all good the comedy is good this year congrats guys you made it
So high
SKETCHIES DANCE TURNED NE ON 9000%
Soul crushing comedy at it’s finest
Katsup? Really?
Very amused at  this improv joke
Versace boys gone god bless
So far all of the comedians are attractive it goes here for this group too
Will there be food at auction? Doubt it #lame

AUCTIONSSSSSS
THIS IS SO HEATED I LOVE IT HUMAN AUCTUONING AT ITS FINEST
I’m glad everyone is drunk good job friends
We aren’t ok to auction though oopssssssssss
Sad about not having beardy be nice to me for a week ugh
Shaving was scary but oh my this is a treat
People at this school need to learn how to math


 

Sober

Finally, here are the sober notes from writer Dr. Spaceman.  They are rather coherent!  Let’s read them together, shall we?

GENERAL:

  • So many humans. So many loud, sweaty humans.
  • There were a bunch of drunk freshman biddies in front of me going into GREAT detail about what they would do to each and every comedy boy. Watch out, Sketchie boys, the freshman coming for you. And they like your butts. Oh yes, they like your butts.
  • I don’t know 99% of this school anymore. There seemed to be a plethora of sad, white girls in black cardigans. Glad to see nothing has changed.

SKIDOMEDY:

  • For some odd reason, VERY focused on the theme of muggers/stabbing…..you tryna tell us something? I mean, it was still funny….but when that’s your go-to gag, time to start thinking of some new, not-as-violent-or-way-more-violent stuff.
  • My favorite sketch was those two girls diary writing. I was straight up sobbing with laughter. Who knew female sexual frustration could be so damn hilarious? Oh wait, probably because every female at Skidmore could relate to it.

AD-LIBS:

  • After a traumatizing 5th grade improv class, I personally am inclined to hate improv comedy. Nothing personal, Ad-Libs.
  • They tagged each other out REALLY quickly. Is that like a fancy improv technique, or did they all just really want more attention?
  • The dog-rapping thing could have SO uncomfortably not funny, but both the performers were so bizzarely funny that I had to enjoy it.
  • Full disclosure: I was in the bathroom for most of this, pooping and thinking about how life is cyclical. So uh, they had good energy, I guess?

SKETCHIES:

  • Any utilizing of our generation’s songbird Jason DeRulo will win my heart. I imagine they just went to Fallstaff’s and observed the masses to get inspiration for the dance routine.
  • That abortion/hamburger joint sketch probably pissed off a TON of people and will probably put the Sketchies on the shit list of the angry gender studies majors for life, but I loved it.
  • The “Howl” sketch was the weirdest shit ever. However, all my friends who were very high thought it was HILARIOUS. Maybe they wrote it, automatically assuming 50% of the audience would be high. In which case, I commend you, you beautiful monsters.

AUCTION:

  • Really uncomfortable. Always really uncomfortable. This was definitely the part where I most strongly wished I wasn’t sober.
  • People here are either insanely wealthy or insanely stupid. Probably both.
  • Ugh, being sober at these things is the worst. Never again. #College

 


 

So, that’s that! Just goes to show that substances are the only REAL way to have fun. I kid, I kid. Mostly?

GREAT JOB, COMEDY!

Unofficial Guide to A Capella & Comedy Auditions (Fall 2014 Edition)

Sunday, September 7th, 2014

Tomorrow begins that most wonderful time of the semester when self-identified artsy kids are pitted against each other in the Coliseum of Talent that we know as auditions. Our performance club/student ratio is like 12:1, so it’s pretty easy to get overwhelmed about what auditions are happening when/where. And since our student announcement system is still ass, we figured we’d compile the info for a capella and comedy auditions. Obviously there are other groups who have auditions in the upcoming week(s), but I didn’t get any Facebook invites to those, so it’s their fucking loss.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

Pretty sure all these guys graduated, but the point still stands.

A Capella Groups: (They’re literally all tomorrow in the same two-hour time slot, and some of them conflict, but I guess you figure it out? Sounds like some Pitch Perfect level shit to me.)

The Accents (all female; quirky; definitely cooler than you): 9/8 @ 7pm. Somewhere on the first floor of Bolton. Bring a verse and chorus of two songs. None of that stupid musical theater Wicked shit.

The Bandersnatchers (all male; 95% sure they’re sponsored by Vineyard Vines; “sounds good to me”; 9/8 @ 7pm. Wilson Chapel. Bring a verse and chorus of a song. But not this one.

The Drastic Measures (co-ed; they win at festivals occasionally; proceeds benefit local charities, which is 85% cool and 15% annoying): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 102. Bring a verse and chorus of a song you like.

The Dynamics (Dynos) (co-ed; oldest co-ed acapella group…out of two; have grind lines at their jams, so there’s that): 9/8 @ 8pm. Bolton 101. Bring a verse and chorus.

The Sonneteers (all female; the oldest club on campus or something; they wear pretty dresses and no shoes because, well, art; they still kind of intimidate me, but pretty and talented girls tend to do that to me): 9/8 @ 7pm. Bolton 100. No info on the FB event, but I’m guessing you should bring a verse and chorus of a song you like. Or maybe they’ll make you yodel. I don’t know. You probably have eyes. Read one of the posters.

Comedy Groups:

Skidomedy (sketch/videos; smart comedy; pretty sure they only have one audition per year; seem like the popular/pretty older sister of the comedy groups): Monday, 9/8 & Tuesday, 9/9 @10:30 pm. Falstaff’s. Go to either or both. I auditioned once and didn’t get in and I’m fucking hilarious. So good luck.

The Sketchies (sketch/videos; wear all black; pretty dark humor, probably because they still have some dark shit from high school still festering in them): Thursday, 9/11 @ 10pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Bring lots of incest jokes or something.

The Ad-Libs (improv; officially called “The Ad-Liberal Artists” but they only ever go by “Ad-Libs,” probably because the former is a dumb name; play a lot improv games): Friday, 9/12 @ 3:30pm. Upstairs of the JKB Theater. Just show up and do improv, I guess? They also have their “newbie show” this Saturday, 9/13 @ 10pm in the Wiecking basement. They’re usually shitfaced at this.

Awkward Kids Talking (AKT) (improv; does short and long form games like creating entire movies live and from scratch; also holds open improv rehearsals on Sundays, which is pretty dope): Friday, 9/19 @ 3:30pm & 6pm. Upstairs of the JKB. Show up and be funny.

Best of luck if you’ve conjured the courage to audition for any clubs this week. If you want the advice of someone who’s never gotten into one of these things, just go to all of them and see what happens. If you’re here, odds are you were probably hot shit in high school–and a part of you might think you’ll be hot shit here at Skidmore. And you might be right. But there will be approximately a fuck-ton of people auditioning for these groups, so shit can get selective. So it’s better to audition for too many and have to choose than to put all your money on getting into that one group you may or may not actually gel with.

And if you don’t get in to any of the groups this semester, you can always audition next semester. Plus you can still go to the shows and get invited to their after-parties! And unlike the hockey team’s parties, they’re not a fucking creepfest.

Weekend Distractions CVI

Thursday, September 19th, 2013

Thursday

7:30pm: Ai Weiwei Never Sorry screening @ Tang
8:00pm: Stoked For Folk @ Falstaff’s (fbook)
8:00pm: Advanced Screening of Growing Cities with Panel Discussion @ Filene (fbook)
9:30pm: Trivia Night @ Spa

Friday

3:30pm: Ad-Libs Auditions @ JKB (fbook)
6:00pm: Women’s Tennis vs. Union @ Tennis Courts
6:00pm: Men’s Tennis vs. ITA Regionals @ Tennis Courts

Click to continue »

ComFest Fundraiser: Smells Like ASS

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

The secret to a successful social life and sexual experience is to always be funny. In today’s competitive friendship market if you don’t have a hilarious joke ready at every moment you are doomed to a life of solitude and tearful masturbation.

Research has shown that most of you are fully capable of making a passable joke, the rest of you however could benefit from studying some more experienced players. Luckily college comedy titans Ad-libs, Skidomedy, Sketchies are hosting a fundraiser for the annual College Comedy Festival this Saturday, providing you with the perfect opportunity to study up.

There is a $2 dollar suggested donation at the door so bring your singles. I know that $2 is 4/5 of a 40oz and times are tough but rest easy knowing that your donation is helping to support ComFest, the largest and most in-chargest college comedy festival in the world. Those two bucks also give you access to raffles and prizes and good times.

Learn more about this incredible opportunity on thefacebook.