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Weekend Distractions CXXXXVII

Thursday, April 20th, 2017


11:00am – BikeMore Sign Up Blitz @ Case Walkway
6:00pm – Middle East Documentary Series @ Emerson
6:30pm – Town Hall with U.S. Representative Paul Tonko @ Gannett
8:00pm – Mainstage: Balm in Gilead @ JKB
8:00pm – Skidmore Guitar Ensembles @ Zankel
8:00pm – Lively Lucy’s 4/20 Spectacular: The Mystery Lights / TEST / Dolly Spartans @ Falstaffs
9:00pm – Jiro Dreams of Sushi Screening @ Tang


11:00am – Curator’s Tour “If I Had Possession Over Judgement Day” with Ian Berry @ Tang
3:00pm – Compost Work Party @ Northwoods Parking Lot
4:00pm – Skidmore Gamelan & Taiko Ensembles @ Zankel
4:00pm – Women’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs Vassar
5:15pm – Skidmore Hillel Shabbat Services @ Chapel
8:00pm – Spring Dance Concert @ Dance Theater
8:00pm – Mainstage: Balm in Gilead @ JKB
8:00pm – Yanqi Chen, Senior Composition Recital @ Zankel
8:30pm – Dance Delight @ Falstaffs
10:30pm – The Sketchies Present: Insignificant Other @ Gannett
11:00pm – Party in Pink @ Reserve


9:00am – Golf: Tim Brown Invitational @ Ballston Spa Country Club
11:00am – March For Science
12:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs RIT
12:30pm – EARTH DAY @ South Park Green
1:00pm – Women’s Tennis: Skidmore vs Vassar
2:00pm – First Ever hiv/aids Benefit Chili Cook Off @ South Park Green
2:00pm – Spring Dance Concert @ Dance Theater
2:00pm – Women’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs Bard
4:00pm – Opera Workshop @ Zankel
5:00pm – Spring Celebration @ Tang
8:00pm – Mainstage: Balm in Gilead @ JKB
8:00pm – Makeda Diggs, Senior Violin Recital @ Zankel
8:00pm – Spring Dance Concert @ Dance Theater
9:00pm – Ad-Libs (Almost) 30 Year Reunion Show @ Gannett
9:00pm – Skidmore Theater’s Annual House Party @ JKB
10:00pm – Treblemakers Present: PaJAMa Party! @ Chapel


9:00am – Golf: Tim Brown Invitational @ Ballston Spa Country Club
12:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs RIT
2:00pm – Mainstage: Balm in Gilead @ JKB
2:00pm – Skidmore Wind Ensembles @ Zankel
3:00pm – Tang Day @ Tang
7:00pm – Skidmore String Ensembles @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Stop this and work on your thesis

Monday, April 17th, 2017

Only Skidmore could politicize Broccoli

Weekend Distractions CXXXXVI

Thursday, April 6th, 2017


5:00pm – Soundmind @ Tang
6:30pm – The Poetic Image: Inspiration for All Writers @ Harder 201
7:00pm – Janine Antoni & Stephen Petronio Artists Talk @ Tang Payne
7:00pm – “This Muslim American Life in the Age of Donald Trump”
Moustafa Bayoumi Lecture @ Gannett
8:00pm – Battle of The Bands @ Falstaffs


11:00am – Off-Campus Study Show & Tell @ Case
12:00pm – Freirich Business Plan Finals @ Dhall 2nd Floor
3:00pm – Bike Maintenance Workshop @ Case Walkway
6:00pm – The Great Dictator Screening @ Emerson
8:00pm – Senior Capstone Dance Concert @ Dance Theater
9:00pm – Karaoke Night for Unicef @ Spa
10:00pm – Skidomedy Presents: Break the Curse @ Gannett


12:00pm – Girl Scout Cookie Beer Pairing @ Olde Saratoga Brewing Company
1:00pm – Men’s Tennis: Skidmore vs Hobart
1:00pm – Softball: Skidmore vs RIT
2:00pm – Men’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs RIT
2:00pm – Senior Capstone Dance Concert @ Dance Theater
2:00pm – Skidmore Community Chorus: “A Child of Our Time” @ Zankel
4:00pm – Whole Grain: Experiments in Film & Video @ Tang
6:30pm – Zoe Berman at The Thirsty Owl @ Thirsty Owl Outlet and Wine Garden
8:00pm – Breakbeats Final Show @ Filene
8:00pm – Jobelle Mesa, Senior Jazz Recital @ Zankel
8:00pm – Senior Capstone Dance Concert @ Zankel
9:00pm – Cousin Stizz + Michael Christmas @ Falstaffs


8:30am – Riding: IHSA Zone Finals @ Van Lennep Riding Center
12:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs Bard
1:00pm – Softball: Skidmore vs Rochester
2:00pm – Yanqi Chen & Alexander Ford Senior Piano Recital @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Weekend Distractions CXXXXV

Thursday, March 30th, 2017


5:30pm – Art and the Brain: Studio Practice and the Promise of the Liberal Arts @ Filene
5:30pm – Karen Levin Coburn Lecture in Gender Studies @ Palamountain
7:00pm – Whole Grain: Experiments in Film & Video @ Tang
8:00pm – Jazz Trio- Eric Harland, Taylor Eigsti, and Larry Grenadier @ Zankel
8:00pm – Hidden Figures @ Gannett
8:30pm – https://www.facebook.com/events/1696450393986919/ @ Falstaffs


2:00pm – Hidden Figures @ Gannett
3:00pm – Bike Maintenance Workshop @ Case Walkway
4:00pm – Women’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs Rochester
6:00pm – Pro Tempore: Where Do We Go From Here? Performance @ Case Gallery
6:00pm – Arts Fest Fridays presents Gotta Dance @ National Museum of Dance
8:00pm – Simone Dinnerstein Piano Recital @ Zankel
8:30pm – Start Making Sense @ Putnam Den
10:00pm – Haunted Eyes Concert @ Falstaffs


8:30am – Riding: ISHA Regionals @ Van Lennep Riding Center
12:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs Union
12:00pm – Deadline to Submit to BARE
1:00pm – Softball: Skidmore vs Castleton
2:00pm – Women’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs RIT
4:00pm – Whole Grain: Experiments in Film & Video @ Tang
7:00pm – Drastic Measures Benefit Concert 2017: A Musical Night for SGBM Awareness @ Filene
8:00pm – Pride + SEC Present: PWR BTTM / T-Rextasy / Rent Boy @ Falstaffs
8:00pm – Mischa Yolleck’s Senior Recital @ Zankel


1:00pm – Men’s Tennis: Skidmore vs Stevens

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Weekend Distractions CXXXXIV

Thursday, March 23rd, 2017
* jaw drops *


6:30pm – Accelerator Series on Whiteness and “Default Culture” @ Tang
7:00pm – Writing Center Reading Series @ Chapel
8:00pm – Ragini Shankar @ Zankel
8:30pm – Open Mic @ Falstaffs
9:00pm – Accents & Sonneteers @ Chapel


4:00pm – Senior Haus II @ Tang
5:00pm – Hike Joto @ Outside Dhall
5:00pm – Graphite Vision Opening & Gallery Talk @ Schick
5:00pm – Mapping Cinematic Time: Affect, Seizure, Boredom @ Davis
8:00pm – Writing Center Reading Series @ Chapel
9:00pm – Tim Lok Chan, Birthing Hips, Gridlock, Disco Cream @ Putnam Den


1:00pm – Auditions for Festival for the Arts @ Davis
1:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs Clarkson
1:00pm – Men’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs Vassar
6:00pm – 26th Annual UJIMA Fashion Show @ Dance Gym
8:00pm – Bartók Series: Miró Quartet @ Zankel


12:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs Clarkson
1:00pm – Making a Killing Documentary Screening @ Public Library
1:00pm – Softball: Skidmore vs Cazenovia
2:00pm – String Festival Finale @ Zankel


Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Skidmore News Joints List of Funniest Satirical College Newspapers Ever!

Thursday, March 9th, 2017

Screen Shot 2017-03-09 at 7.55.08 PM


Today, we would like to congratulate The Skidmore News on their recent article entitled, “La La Land Joins List of Oscar Robberies.” Dripping with wit, it is just another cherry on top of their stellar record of producing hilarious and poignant satirical news coverage and editorials. Skid News goes to new lengths with its comedy, taking on the character of a real college newspaper run by wealthy, white children, commenting authoritatively on matters of race, gender and politics that it knows not a thing about. A particularly funny part of the Oscars article came when the writer criticized the best picture winner, Moonlight, for “the sheer number of societal issues brought up in the film,” which “caused each one to receive less detail than they deserved.” The newspapers’ satirical take on young privileged white people pretending that they know the reality of growing up black and poor and taking it upon themselves to critique a film starring, written by, and directed by black people for how well it represents societal issues was KNEE-SLAPPING COMEDY. Once again, I commend…

Hold on…

…It’s not a satirical newspaper?

…Those were all real opinions and real reporting?

Wow. That Sucks.


Read this absolute garbage here

A Mob of Angry Moms is Imminent

Tuesday, March 7th, 2017

Skidmore has hit a new low.

And no, we don’t mean the “placing juniors in wiecking” type of low.

You’ve probably heard of Oprah by now. Not that she’s speaking at graduation, but just heard of her.

But she is speaking at Graduation and news broke today that Skidmore is only allowing each senior six tickets for the event, according to the email sent out today by Senior Class President Madison Plummer:

“Due to the enthusiasm that has been generated following the announcement of this year’s honorary degree recipients (Wes Moore! Ann Tisch! Oprah!), Skidmore will institute a policy whereby admission tickets for seats in the amphitheater of the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC) will be REQUIRED for each guest except for children under the age of 2. (LOOPHOLE?) The College’s first priority is to provide seats for our graduates and their families based on the allowable seating capacity within the Amphitheater. Therefore, a maximum of six (6) tickets will be allocated to graduating seniors for admission of family members and friends.”

First of all, I’m sorry but Wes Moore! and Ann Tisch! do not deserve exclamation points after their names. Oprah might be able to get away with it. Secondly, what the fuck Skidmore!?! Where the hell am I supposed to sit Meemaw and Gramps? Are they supposed to sit on the lawn where I took shrooms at the Blink-182 concert?

Once again not shocked, but disappointed how Skidmore handles their policy. But, are anxiously awaiting the mob of angry moms to be unleashed onto campus.

And lastly, a shameless plug, if you have any extra tickets hmu at Editor@SkidmoreUnofficial.com

Comfest 2017: Drunk, High, Sober Review

Sunday, March 5th, 2017


Hey daddies! Everyone remember Comfest from a few weeks ago? We do because we had a BLAST at that shindig. Funny is the new sexy, at least that’s what I tell myself. Anyway, The National College Comedy Festival is the biggest and awesomest college comedy festival in existence featuring student groups from around the country as well as really cool professional acts.

We sent three of our debauched writers to the first student show of Comfest under different states of inebriation to see what they thought. Please enjoy our drunk, high and sober review of Comfest. Comedians if you read this, sorry we did this to you. We respect your craft.


First up on the roster, our resident alcoholic. Apparently there is no food or drink allowed in the theater but you’ll be glad to know our writer got fully away with it. Good luck with that in the future.


Time for comedy
I need to be more drunk for this
Is Jared Klein watching me
Don’t see the beard and weird cap so think I’m all good
Are bean boots part of their team uniform
Why is there so much fruit

I’m just so confused
I think I missed the premise of this so I’m confused
Why is this young man is yelling 80s songs at me
Tom and Jerry gay couple? I COULD BE INTO THAT
Man dropping the table during intermission
Highlight of my night
Now table I can get into
Did he just say vulva? You have my attention

They are all wearing black I am drunk
The wheelchair no absolutely not wow yes
That boy is so bendy
I wish the music was louder so I can truly jam
Omg property brothers that’s my shiiiiiiiit
Donald Glover DID win the Emmy
I don’t believe!! They’re brainwashing me!
This director sketch. Yep they’re definitely brainwashing me
I knew they would brainwash me at some point

These kids are legit!!! They’re wearing diapers!!!
CHEESE??! Officially the best group

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
I thought this was supposed to be about Los Angeles
Wow v acrobatic

So confused by their voices
Is that ok?
Yeah no forreal this tall beautiful girl has a weird voice
Boy byyyeeee


Is this fun yet? I’m having fun, although I don’t feel like I know what happened at Comfest yet. Let’s try again with our high flyer.


Hi everyone and also hi me I will read this later
And also high me lol
Ready for some laughs
This is very crowded I feel crowded
Improvvv they make it up as they go along and THAT is fly
Tall blonde is so tall how tall are you boy
Stompy boots
I have to pee already
Siiinnngggiiinng. I thought this was comedy I did NOT expect singing
This is funny funny funny I am laughing now
Work those butts skinny boys
Bruno Mars used for a good cause
Twins are not saying the same things that is the joke I get it now someone explained it to me
People are yelling I am scared
Dicks why too many dicks on the dance flooorrr
This skit is crazy what is happening am I losing it
Omg cheese
Hot legs everywhere
Why aren’t my legs this hot
Tall bill was my father’s name
Girl is wearing a formal jacket with just a diaper aka life goals
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence
Boys in green sweaters are better than boys not in green sweaters
I forgot this was improv for a minute
Bad sketch. Good improv
I want to make stuff up
The world needs more oral sex. Sex for everyone
Ok more Skidmore I’m ready
I want this girl’s hair
Not on my head just to have and to hold
Poetry is so weird
This is going on too long or I’m high
I think saw this same boy earlier. Where are you from funny boy
I want the cheese back
Ok it’s over im going to go get some cheese


In case you were wondering, she did not get any cheese. And also Sargento was recalled the next day so whoever did get cheese, please let us know if you r ok. Finally, our sober reviewer, sorry that we made you do this.


It’s actually very cool that our school does this
I thought everyone here was too clinically depressed and/or high to be funny
I seem to be sitting near the comedy kids section. Everyone is doing a bit.
Too many bits

Improv is the cause of my crippling anxiety
This boy in the green shirt looks like the PC from those Apple commercials
These people are all very loud but funny
The girls are the funniest. The feminist in me is pleased but still angry about the patriarchy

Where is Emerson
I need to know what that boy puts in his hair
They’re all wearing plaid. I’m guessing this means Emerson is somewhere in the North East
Love Shack is a GREAT song and I will never admit otherwise
I would invest in this singing boy. He’s going places.

People are very excited. This is the most school spirit I have ever seen
Way to go Skidmore, you apathetic nerds
No divorce, abortion, or suicide jokes yet. But this is only the first sketch
Dancing boy in the apron is the most excited person I have ever seen
Chanting really will excite any audience. Smart Sketchies
Haha. Dicks.
It’s funny because it’s true! Avant garde theater DOES suck!

Are they wearing diapers for no reason or did I miss something
None of these kids skip leg day. Surprising for comedy nerds. Well done
I’m naming my next pet Tall Bill. Very catchy
I think I have seen this sketch on SNL
Note to self: people love free cheese

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
This guy is really about bowling. Live your truth, man
Haha. Boys having sex!
I’m really sorry, I had to go to the bathroom at this point.
I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say this was HILARIOUS

More Skidmore! Are we a bit narcissistic? The audience is thrilled anyway
Some of these kids are very awkward but some are not. I feel misled
This boy coming up with rhymes on the spot is very impressive. I am not good at poetry
I want to know where this girl got her mom jeans. Mom jeans are still in, right?
Tall girl really likes to be on the floor

Generally glad I went to this
Generally un-glad that I had to be the sober one
Generally attracted to the 3 MCs/Producers. Anyone got their phone numbers? Lmk


Thanks guys! What a journey we all went on together. I learned that at Comfest, there’s a lot of skinny boys and dancing and sometimes there’s free cheese. I will definitely be going back next year. A+ comedy nerds.


Weekend Distractions CXXXXIII

Wednesday, March 1st, 2017


5:30pm – Janine Antoni and Stephen Petronio Talk @ Tang
7:00pm – Social Justice Month Kickoff @ Spa
8:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
8:30pm – Lively Lucy Open Mic (Pride Co-sponsoring) @ Falstaffs


1:00pm – Call Your Reps @ Atrium & Case 2nd Floor
8:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
8:00pm – Full Metal Racket Show @ Putnam Den
9:00pm – Breakbeats & Trebelmakers @ Filene


11:00am – Immigration, Borders, and Executive Orders: NY6 Panel Discussion @ Davis
7:00pm – Ja Rule @ Upstate Concert Hall
8:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
9:30pm – Pulse @ Davis
10:00pm – Bandersnatchers & Dynamics @ Chapel


12:00pm – Juried Student Exhibition (Last Day) @ Schick
2:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
2:00pm – Banyu Wali Concert and Reception @ Tang
8:00pm – Small Jazz Ensemble @ Falstaffs

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!

Weekend Distractions CXXXXII

Friday, February 17th, 2017



7pm – Ensemble Connect 10th Anniversary @ Zankel
7pm – Flurry 2017 @ Saratoga Springs City Center


8:30am – Riding: Skidmore College Show @ Riding Stables
11am –  Danceflurry @ Parting Glass
6:00pm – Sketchies and Skidomedy Auditions @ Falstaffs
7:30pm – “Random Acts of Brass” presents “Music of the Americas” @ Wilson Chapel


3pm – Sister-Show me Eternity @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!