SARATOGA SPRINGS—Skidmore College Senior Daniel Anastos recently revealed to a potential employer that, despite his lack of job experience, internships, or extracurricular activities, he has been blessed with the ability to quickly process information and gain knowledge from his mistakes, making him the ideal candidate for an entry level job in publishing, or marketing, or engineering, or really almost anything at all.
“Rest assured,” Anastos told interviewers. “I really am very bright, hardworking, and proficient, not to mention loyal. And even though I have yet to put any of these qualities to use in a practical sense, I am extremely confident that I will be able to perform the tasks required in any job that requires the performance of tasks. I can do it. Trust me.”
“Please,” he added. “Don’t make me move back into my parents’ house.”
This approach marks a significant improvement for Anastos since his last interview, when he told potential employers that he did not “really give a fuck about accounting” and that he was “just in it for the pussy.”