Sometimes during the lazy days of summer with the sun cresting the rooftops of our suburban strip malls and darkening our pale,  previously GoreTex-protected winter skin it is easy to forget that post-graduation we must throw ourselves upon the gnawing gears of capitalism to pay for our days at this woodsy liberal arts hamlet.

With a year at Skidmore costing Freshmen somewhere around 50,000 dollars (plus or minus an arm and a leg) and the United States’ median yearly income hovering around 45,000 dollars we aren’t exactly “egalitarian.” This particular elephant in my room of liberal guilt was rocketed to my attention today when an email from the Bursar’s office arrived in my inbox cheerfully telling me that Skidmore billing is going “electronic.” I’m sure by now most of you have read the email and understand that Skidmore is upgrading to some sort of fancy electronic billing system, and that we all have to activate our accounts and step into the 21st century. Because I am not an Amish person I think this is a fantastic idea. What irks me is that the email asks me…

“To invite a payer so that the person who pays your bill will have access to view and pay the bill online.”

Having to sign my parents up to hear about electronic billing worries me. No matter how courteous and tactful the “you’ve-been-invited-to-pay-for-your-child’s-education email” could possibly be I can’t help but think it will sound, at least below the surface, something like…

Hey Mom, Hey Dad,

I know you guys are at work but I just want to give you a heads up. I’m at home watching Deadliest Catch and licking peanut butter off a spoon because I only work 2 days a week and I just wanted to let you know that I need a couple hundred thousand dollars. lol.

Love, Your Son

P.S. What’s for dinner?

It is pretty inconsiderate for the Bursar’s office to force me to confront reality so abruptly, so for the time being I’m going to ignore this email, at least until I start putting on pants before 3pm.