The Speakers Bureau is proud to present David Sedaris tonight in Gannett Auditorium. Victors from last week’s ticket fracas should know that Gannett’s doors open at 7:30 but that only foolish people would think of showing up that late. Gannett fits something like 160 people and about 180 tickets were sold for the event meaning a few lazy ticket holders will find themselves standing in the back, legs silently cramping as Sedaris entertains a room full of seated fans. Folks who weren’t lucky/dedicated enough to snag a ticket last Monday should know that simulcasts will be broadcast in Emerson and Davis Auditoriums, as well as the Spa. The 8pm reading will be followed by a short Q&A and book signing; the Q&A will be open only to ticket holders but the book signing, held in Gannett Lobby, is free and open to the public.

And finally here are some tips to survive the night:

• • Students who find themselves without a sacred book to be hastily penned by Sedaris during the book signing should look no further than the SkidShop, which will be posted up outside Gannett looking to take your money.
  • Sedaris has a piece in last week’s New Yorker which I suggest checking out so you can make impressive small talk to the hot girl from English while waiting in line.
  • Gannett is known to be chilly, perhaps bring your Snuggie
  • Hydration is key but “making a deposit” in the middle of a book reading is disruptive and alerts everyone to your weak bladder and weaker will. Skip your requisite dinnertime cranberry juice and save yourself the embarrassment.
  • Be prepared to wait in line. If Monday’s ticket line was any indication people love Sedaris and the wait to get your book signed will probably be worse.
  • Turn off your cellphone Asshole.
  • Get there early (but not before me)–even if you have a ticket.