Weekend Distractions CXXXXIV

Written by Executive Editor on March 23rd, 2017
* jaw drops *


6:30pm – Accelerator Series on Whiteness and “Default Culture” @ Tang
7:00pm – Writing Center Reading Series @ Chapel
8:00pm – Ragini Shankar @ Zankel
8:30pm – Open Mic @ Falstaffs
9:00pm – Accents & Sonneteers @ Chapel


4:00pm – Senior Haus II @ Tang
5:00pm – Hike Joto @ Outside Dhall
5:00pm – Graphite Vision Opening & Gallery Talk @ Schick
5:00pm – Mapping Cinematic Time: Affect, Seizure, Boredom @ Davis
8:00pm – Writing Center Reading Series @ Chapel
9:00pm – Tim Lok Chan, Birthing Hips, Gridlock, Disco Cream @ Putnam Den


1:00pm – Auditions for Festival for the Arts @ Davis
1:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs Clarkson
1:00pm – Men’s Lacrosse: Skidmore vs Vassar
6:00pm – 26th Annual UJIMA Fashion Show @ Dance Gym
8:00pm – Bartók Series: Miró Quartet @ Zankel


12:00pm – Baseball: Skidmore vs Clarkson
1:00pm – Making a Killing Documentary Screening @ Public Library
1:00pm – Softball: Skidmore vs Cazenovia
2:00pm – String Festival Finale @ Zankel


Missing something? Let us know in the replies!


Skidmore News Joints List of Funniest Satirical College Newspapers Ever!

Written by Executive Editor on March 9th, 2017

Screen Shot 2017-03-09 at 7.55.08 PM


Today, we would like to congratulate The Skidmore News on their recent article entitled, “La La Land Joins List of Oscar Robberies.” Dripping with wit, it is just another cherry on top of their stellar record of producing hilarious and poignant satirical news coverage and editorials. Skid News goes to new lengths with its comedy, taking on the character of a real college newspaper run by wealthy, white children, commenting authoritatively on matters of race, gender and politics that it knows not a thing about. A particularly funny part of the Oscars article came when the writer criticized the best picture winner, Moonlight, for “the sheer number of societal issues brought up in the film,” which “caused each one to receive less detail than they deserved.” The newspapers’ satirical take on young privileged white people pretending that they know the reality of growing up black and poor and taking it upon themselves to critique a film starring, written by, and directed by black people for how well it represents societal issues was KNEE-SLAPPING COMEDY. Once again, I commend…

Hold on…

…It’s not a satirical newspaper?

…Those were all real opinions and real reporting?

Wow. That Sucks.


Read this absolute garbage here


A Mob of Angry Moms is Imminent

Written by Executive Editor on March 7th, 2017

Skidmore has hit a new low.

And no, we don’t mean the “placing juniors in wiecking” type of low.

You’ve probably heard of Oprah by now. Not that she’s speaking at graduation, but just heard of her.

But she is speaking at Graduation and news broke today that Skidmore is only allowing each senior six tickets for the event, according to the email sent out today by Senior Class President Madison Plummer:

“Due to the enthusiasm that has been generated following the announcement of this year’s honorary degree recipients (Wes Moore! Ann Tisch! Oprah!), Skidmore will institute a policy whereby admission tickets for seats in the amphitheater of the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC) will be REQUIRED for each guest except for children under the age of 2. (LOOPHOLE?) The College’s first priority is to provide seats for our graduates and their families based on the allowable seating capacity within the Amphitheater. Therefore, a maximum of six (6) tickets will be allocated to graduating seniors for admission of family members and friends.”

First of all, I’m sorry but Wes Moore! and Ann Tisch! do not deserve exclamation points after their names. Oprah might be able to get away with it. Secondly, what the fuck Skidmore!?! Where the hell am I supposed to sit Meemaw and Gramps? Are they supposed to sit on the lawn where I took shrooms at the Blink-182 concert?

Once again not shocked, but disappointed how Skidmore handles their policy. But, are anxiously awaiting the mob of angry moms to be unleashed onto campus.

And lastly, a shameless plug, if you have any extra tickets hmu at Editor@SkidmoreUnofficial.com


Comfest 2017: Drunk, High, Sober Review

Written by Executive Editor on March 5th, 2017


Hey daddies! Everyone remember Comfest from a few weeks ago? We do because we had a BLAST at that shindig. Funny is the new sexy, at least that’s what I tell myself. Anyway, The National College Comedy Festival is the biggest and awesomest college comedy festival in existence featuring student groups from around the country as well as really cool professional acts.

We sent three of our debauched writers to the first student show of Comfest under different states of inebriation to see what they thought. Please enjoy our drunk, high and sober review of Comfest. Comedians if you read this, sorry we did this to you. We respect your craft.


First up on the roster, our resident alcoholic. Apparently there is no food or drink allowed in the theater but you’ll be glad to know our writer got fully away with it. Good luck with that in the future.


Time for comedy
I need to be more drunk for this
Is Jared Klein watching me
Don’t see the beard and weird cap so think I’m all good
Are bean boots part of their team uniform
Why is there so much fruit

I’m just so confused
I think I missed the premise of this so I’m confused
Why is this young man is yelling 80s songs at me
Tom and Jerry gay couple? I COULD BE INTO THAT
Man dropping the table during intermission
Highlight of my night
Now table I can get into
Did he just say vulva? You have my attention

They are all wearing black I am drunk
The wheelchair no absolutely not wow yes
That boy is so bendy
I wish the music was louder so I can truly jam
Omg property brothers that’s my shiiiiiiiit
Donald Glover DID win the Emmy
I don’t believe!! They’re brainwashing me!
This director sketch. Yep they’re definitely brainwashing me
I knew they would brainwash me at some point

These kids are legit!!! They’re wearing diapers!!!
CHEESE??! Officially the best group

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
I thought this was supposed to be about Los Angeles
Wow v acrobatic

So confused by their voices
Is that ok?
Yeah no forreal this tall beautiful girl has a weird voice
Boy byyyeeee


Is this fun yet? I’m having fun, although I don’t feel like I know what happened at Comfest yet. Let’s try again with our high flyer.


Hi everyone and also hi me I will read this later
And also high me lol
Ready for some laughs
This is very crowded I feel crowded
Improvvv they make it up as they go along and THAT is fly
Tall blonde is so tall how tall are you boy
Stompy boots
I have to pee already
Siiinnngggiiinng. I thought this was comedy I did NOT expect singing
This is funny funny funny I am laughing now
Work those butts skinny boys
Bruno Mars used for a good cause
Twins are not saying the same things that is the joke I get it now someone explained it to me
People are yelling I am scared
Dicks why too many dicks on the dance flooorrr
This skit is crazy what is happening am I losing it
Omg cheese
Hot legs everywhere
Why aren’t my legs this hot
Tall bill was my father’s name
Girl is wearing a formal jacket with just a diaper aka life goals
Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence
Boys in green sweaters are better than boys not in green sweaters
I forgot this was improv for a minute
Bad sketch. Good improv
I want to make stuff up
The world needs more oral sex. Sex for everyone
Ok more Skidmore I’m ready
I want this girl’s hair
Not on my head just to have and to hold
Poetry is so weird
This is going on too long or I’m high
I think saw this same boy earlier. Where are you from funny boy
I want the cheese back
Ok it’s over im going to go get some cheese


In case you were wondering, she did not get any cheese. And also Sargento was recalled the next day so whoever did get cheese, please let us know if you r ok. Finally, our sober reviewer, sorry that we made you do this.


It’s actually very cool that our school does this
I thought everyone here was too clinically depressed and/or high to be funny
I seem to be sitting near the comedy kids section. Everyone is doing a bit.
Too many bits

Improv is the cause of my crippling anxiety
This boy in the green shirt looks like the PC from those Apple commercials
These people are all very loud but funny
The girls are the funniest. The feminist in me is pleased but still angry about the patriarchy

Where is Emerson
I need to know what that boy puts in his hair
They’re all wearing plaid. I’m guessing this means Emerson is somewhere in the North East
Love Shack is a GREAT song and I will never admit otherwise
I would invest in this singing boy. He’s going places.

People are very excited. This is the most school spirit I have ever seen
Way to go Skidmore, you apathetic nerds
No divorce, abortion, or suicide jokes yet. But this is only the first sketch
Dancing boy in the apron is the most excited person I have ever seen
Chanting really will excite any audience. Smart Sketchies
Haha. Dicks.
It’s funny because it’s true! Avant garde theater DOES suck!

Are they wearing diapers for no reason or did I miss something
None of these kids skip leg day. Surprising for comedy nerds. Well done
I’m naming my next pet Tall Bill. Very catchy
I think I have seen this sketch on SNL
Note to self: people love free cheese

Since when do men go to Sarah Lawrence?
This guy is really about bowling. Live your truth, man
Haha. Boys having sex!
I’m really sorry, I had to go to the bathroom at this point.
I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say this was HILARIOUS

More Skidmore! Are we a bit narcissistic? The audience is thrilled anyway
Some of these kids are very awkward but some are not. I feel misled
This boy coming up with rhymes on the spot is very impressive. I am not good at poetry
I want to know where this girl got her mom jeans. Mom jeans are still in, right?
Tall girl really likes to be on the floor

Generally glad I went to this
Generally un-glad that I had to be the sober one
Generally attracted to the 3 MCs/Producers. Anyone got their phone numbers? Lmk


Thanks guys! What a journey we all went on together. I learned that at Comfest, there’s a lot of skinny boys and dancing and sometimes there’s free cheese. I will definitely be going back next year. A+ comedy nerds.



EP Review – CAMPO’s “Fifty Seven”

Written by Executive Editor on March 4th, 2017

Small but mighty “Campo” has been on the Skidmore music scene for a couple of years now. Whether you’re an OG Fangirl, or you just found out that they’re not the ones who confiscated your bong from your room that one time, you probably know that they dropped their first EP today on Bandcamp! If you haven’t heard, it is definitely worth a listen. Emie and Ethan’s etherial voices mix with Paul and Neale’s bomb guitar skills on top of Stolman’s soulful drum beats that make you want to relive your pulse rejection all over again. Campo features a smooth indie-rock aesthetic both visually and auditory, perfect for off-campus basement jamming  If you’re into it check them out live this Friday at Putnam Den with Skidmore legends, Los Elk. 


Weekend Distractions CXXXXIII

Written by Executive Editor on March 1st, 2017


5:30pm – Janine Antoni and Stephen Petronio Talk @ Tang
7:00pm – Social Justice Month Kickoff @ Spa
8:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
8:30pm – Lively Lucy Open Mic (Pride Co-sponsoring) @ Falstaffs


1:00pm – Call Your Reps @ Atrium & Case 2nd Floor
8:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
8:00pm – Full Metal Racket Show @ Putnam Den
9:00pm – Breakbeats & Trebelmakers @ Filene


11:00am – Immigration, Borders, and Executive Orders: NY6 Panel Discussion @ Davis
7:00pm – Ja Rule @ Upstate Concert Hall
8:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
9:30pm – Pulse @ Davis
10:00pm – Bandersnatchers & Dynamics @ Chapel


12:00pm – Juried Student Exhibition (Last Day) @ Schick
2:00pm – Fragments @ JKB
2:00pm – Banyu Wali Concert and Reception @ Tang
8:00pm – Small Jazz Ensemble @ Falstaffs

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!


Weekend Distractions CXXXXII

Written by Executive Editor on February 17th, 2017



7pm – Ensemble Connect 10th Anniversary @ Zankel
7pm – Flurry 2017 @ Saratoga Springs City Center


8:30am – Riding: Skidmore College Show @ Riding Stables
11am –  Danceflurry @ Parting Glass
6:00pm – Sketchies and Skidomedy Auditions @ Falstaffs
7:30pm – “Random Acts of Brass” presents “Music of the Americas” @ Wilson Chapel


3pm – Sister-Show me Eternity @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!


Weekend Distractions CXXXXI

Written by Executive Editor on February 9th, 2017


5:00pm – “What in God’s Name? Religion and Politics in the 2016 Presidential Election” @ Palamountain
5:00pm – Soundmind @ Tang
5:30pm – Art and the Brain @ Filene (Canceled – will be rescheduled)
6:00pm – Middle East Documentary Series @ Spa
6:30pm – Upstate Collage Night @ Tang (postponed until Thursday, February 23, 6:30)


12:00pm – Call Your Legislators Calling Party @ Spa
6:00pm – Big Green Scream @ Williamson Sports Center
7:00pm – Comfest @ JKB
8:00pm – Bartók Series: New Orford String Quartet @ Zankel
10:00pm – Black History Month Open Mic Night
10:30pm – Saratoga Sixteen and Hip Hop Showcase @ Tang


10:00am – Skidmore Alpine Ski Carnival @ Gore
5:00pm – Wind Festival Chamber Ensembles @ Zankel
7:00pm – Yuanxiao Festival Celebration @ ICC
7:00pm – Comfest @ JKB
8:00pm – New York Woodwind Quintet @ Zankel


10:00am – Skidmore Alpine Ski Carnival @ Gore
2:00pm – Wind Festival Concert Band @ Zankel

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!


Skidmore’s Guide to Super Bowl LI

Written by Executive Editor on February 5th, 2017

mmmmm intimate
Let me get this straight, you go to Skidmore, you clicked on a SkidUnoffical link, and you chose a sports(ish) article?

You’re either really trying to impress that guy you met downtown who had the name of that team on a hat, you put your daddy’s fat stack of cash on the big game, or you’re horribly lost and confused. In that case, close the computer, spin around three times for good luck, lay down, dry-hump the floor, open your computer, and keep reading you brainwashed fuck.

If you haven’t heard, the dirty birds are taking on Brady and the boys this Sunday to compete for America’s ultimate prize; a chance to say “I’m going to Disney world” on live TV right after cracking skulls for five hours or however long that shit lasts.

In between all the chaos Lady Gaga will be performing the halftime show, which will give you the opportunity to actually recognize something on the screen for the first time in hours.

The game starts at 6:30 which should give you ample time to procrastinate all of your work and, finally, get blackout on a Sunday night for a sporting event you probably don’t give a shit about.

Whatever you do, don’t be that person at the party who is “just here for the commercials.” You’re not fooling anyone. 

For those of you still trying to figure out who to root for, consider this.

Reasons to root for the New England Patriots:

1. You’re from Boston or surrounding areas
2. A list has to have at least two things on it

Reasons to root for the Falcons:

1. You’re from Atlanta (but none of you are)
2. They’re the underdog and we like that, right?
3. They’ve never won a super bowl
4. They’re not the Patriots.
5. They play in a dome…that’s cool?
6. DOPE mascot

Reasons to root against the Patriots:

1. Brady and Trump are BFF’s
2. Coach Belicheck and Trump are BFF’s
3. Patriots Owner Robert Kraft and Trump are BFF’s
4. Do I really have to keep going?
5. Yes I do
6. Nevermind I don’t.
7. I think you get the picture
8. Ps deflategate
9. And also more cheating
10. Kthxbye

Reasons to root against the Falcons

1. You voted for trump.
2. You shouldn’t.

Enjoy the game!


Weekend Distractions CXXXX

Written by Executive Editor on February 1st, 2017


5:00pm – Unity Gathering @ Zankel
5:30pm – Juried Skidmore Student Exhibition Opening @ Schick Gallery
6:30pm – WSPN Big Meeting @ Gannett
7:00pm – Gala Concerto Concert @ Zankel
7:00pm – Exploring Museum Careers @ Tang
7:00pm – The New McKrells @ The Parting Glass
8:00pm – Open Mic Night @ Falstaffs
9:00pm – Trivia Night @ Spa


2:30pm – Grand Opening of Beekman Bar + Eatery @ 62 Beekman
4:30pm – Skidmore Outing Club Big Meeting @ Davis
7:00pm – Men’s Ice Hockey: Skidmore vs Castleton @ ICE Weibel Ave Ice Rink
9:00pm – This is Spinal Tap Party feat. William Hale w/ Eternal Crimes @ Ye Olde Wishin’ Shoppe [Ballston Spa]
10:30pm Mahadhi Walker @ Putnam Den

11:00am – CHOWDERFEST @ Broadway
10:00pm – 100 Days Dance [what you don’t know won’t hurt you]

6:30 – Super Bowl LI

Missing something? Let us know in the replies!