Lest we forgot what the sky looked like on Fun Day last year.
Fun Day is tomorrow.
That’s really all there is to it, but while we have you here, let’s talk about it a little bit. Maybe you’re a seasoned pro by now. Maybe you’ve never experienced this sextravaganza (not a typo). Either way, it’s never too late/early to get some tips on how to get the most (or least) out of the
coldest funnest day of the year. Because here at SkidUnofficial, we make mistakes so YOU don’t have to!
Obviously you’re going to make most of your Fun Day plans around your pals and how early they decide to get basic on the fourth floor of JoTo. But it’s worth thinking about the cornerstone of Fun Day…
No, not I’m not talking about pot (haha did you know there’s weed at this school?). I’m talking about the bands! Err…I mean the bands and DJs! Both! Both are equally valued on this site! Really! Honest!
Here’s the running order as of right now.
12:00 – Salmon of Knowledge
12:50 – Queen Ambrosia
1:40 – Trash Johnson
2:30 – Los Elk
3:20 – Karate
4:10 – Dope Mosely
See a band you wanna catch? Then make sure to drag your buds over to the green and soak up the tunes. What’s that? They’re not budging?! Fuck ‘em! You can catch them later once they’ve done the dirty work of finding a place to lay the blanket.
But enough from me! Let me hand it over to some of my
esteemed colleagues for them to share their endless bounty of wisdom.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint! Don’t be that person who passes out at 3pm only to wake up at 5 with a hangover so terrible it will awaken Lucy Scribner herself. Just let the day happen and the good time will roll along.
Be whimsical as fuck, in both looks and spirits: if you ever publicly scorned those sexy pierced hula-hooping girls but secretly wanted to be them, Fun Day is your chance. Break out your lacy bralette and flower crowns or just go naked. Fun Day welcomes you as you are. Honestly, unless you intentionally try really hard to fuck things up, it will inevitably be a fun day for everyone. Go on all the fun bouncy rides–the grace period for it being socially acceptable to act like a kid is running out (unless you’re a freshman, in which case I hate you because I am a bitter washed-up senior), so take advantage while you can. Just enjoy everything around you, don’t fret about whether or not you look weird or if your crush is there or if you think you see your professor (I promise, you don’t [Executive Editor’s note: I saw mine last year]). Seriously, just be happy to be in the moment and check yo worries at the Case door.
Shifting into Mom Mode: If you’re going to be drinking that day, PLEASE take advantage of the food available. I didn’t my freshman year, and let’s just say I left a little gift near the Burgess tables. (Puke. The gift was puke.). Also, seriously, wear some fucking sunscreen. I know not everyone is as pale as me (OMG!!! I just gave my identity away! Hahahah just kidding, everyone at this school is a porcelain-white girl), but when you are drunkenly lying in the sun for like 5 hours, you WILL get burnt. Get turnt, don’t get burnt. No matter what the weather, I guarantee a Fun Day for all or your tuition money back (just kidding, Glotzbach needs the infinite tuition money for lifeblood).
There’s no shame in calling time-out and taking a break from the festivities. You might say that you’re going to see every band/DJ’s setlist, but odds are that probably won’t happen. Be realistic. Take care of yourself. If you’re hungry, head to dhall. If you need to load-up on water, head back to your dorm with a pal and have a h2h featuring vulnerability you never knew you had and will likely never see again. Now, of course, by “water” what I really mean is MALIBU MALIBU ALL DAY WOOOO YOU ARE YOUNG AND IT IS FRESHMAN YEAR AND DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?
(No, it doesn’t. You’ve peaked.)
Anyway, the point is that the aforementioend whimsical hula-hoopers will still be there when you get back. This shit really does go on for a while. So don’t worry about missing “the best part” while on your break. The whole day is the best part! Unless you don’t get the sunglasses. Then it’s best just to pack up before something really bad happens. Oh, and if you DO get sunglasses, don’t fall asleep with them on.Basic shit, but you’ll think your Uncle Qwik later. The weather app on my iPhone currently has a sun icon for Saturday, so it WILL be out for the majority of the day, presumably (as opposed to the 15 glorious minutes it was out for last year).
And another thing: don’t pull any of that “I’m just going back to my dorm to take a quick name then I’ll wake up RARIN’ TO GO” shit. That’s not going to happen. If you fall asleep on Fun Day, you won’t wake up. No, I don’t mean you’ll die (though for fuck’s sake don’t do that either). I mean you won’t wake up until Fun Day is over. And if that’s the case, well, you might as well have died.
Oh, and if you find yourself thinking “Well golly, this girl/guy sure is cute, let’s lickity-split and go to my SUPER SECRET SEMI-PUBLIC SEX SPOT” at any point past 2:00, don’t bother. It’s more than likely that your super secret semi-public sex spot isn’t all that super secret, and at least two other couples (or triads? Fun Day, remember?) will already be bumpin’ uglies. So unless you feel like negotiating the space (sharing is caring, after all), I suggest you get more creative or just have sex in a dorm like the good Christian boy/girl you know yourself to be.
“Fun Day is the only day where if you don’t look like an idiot, you look like an idiot.”
And if you haven’t found that interesting enough, here’s 14 fun facts about Robin Adams! The more you know. (Edit: The link is down. But here’s his website in case you still need to fill your RA quota for the week!)